Distance

...and I know the distance is only going to grow. But seriously, not a single one of my friends have kids. I take that back, 2 of them do, but their kids have grown and they've had 20 some years to make peace with the mental distance between themselves and the rest of us. I love my friends, but it would sure be nice if there was someone I felt like I have something in common with (okay, really just this mentally all-consuming thing). These people do exist, and I even like them, but they don't come out very often. Which possibly means that will be us in 3 months, and it won't matter that I can't relate to anyone because I won't have time to relate to them. Or it's possible they all feel distant, too, and choose to be separate. Only time will tell which camp I fall into.

Anyway, other than feeling sorry for myself and being completely uninspired by work, life is good. And unexciting. A works all the time, I spend all my free time working on the basement. Hopefully to be completed this weekend. I'm trying to appreciate the peace, embrace the quiet, knowing it won't last forever. Le sigh. I think the peonies help with everything.

Still growing....

I finally tracked down a water aerobics class this week. After serious effort psyching myself up, convincing myself I was going to have a lovely time chillin with the old ladies and rocking the pregnant bikini, turns out the start date is postponed until June 14th. That means I have to hold on to this false excitement for 2 more weeks. We'll see if I'm capable. In the meantime, I found a community fitness center for $25 a year! Sweetness. Turns out lunges are more difficult when you're carrying 20 extra pounds of weight. I've got a long way to go; better to start now, I suppose, than wait till post baby.

My friend Gullx was in town for a few days; the mini golf and horse racing cured what ails me. It's weird to think that these are all likely lasts... last time I'll see her before I have a baby. Last time I'll be normal before my life changes forever. I'm mentally very baby centric right now. I can't wrap my head around what life will be like. I feel like A and I are in such a good place right now, so happy, and I'm a little terrified of changing that.

Maybe the mumu's are just going to my head.

Progress

I am much more proud of the basement progress than my own. This photo shows the first coat of paint, which is definitely ::bright:: Too bright? Hope not, cuz we're stuck with it. A wanted "Bold" and that it is. As a side note, this photo was taken without a flash, using the "vibration reduction" feature of my camera lens. It works surprising well! Still a little blurry, but the w/VR and w/out VR pics are markedly different.

As for my progress:

This is from 2 days ago. I checked the scale today: I have gained 3 pounds in 3 days. Seriously. Many pregnant women say "chuck the scale" while pregnant. I am the exact opposite: I freaking chart my weight gain. I have a little line on a graph, which is consistently higher than the recommended weight gain. ::le sigh:: I try, I really do. I can now tell when I'm going to have a big weight spike, because I have a big jump in hunger and a couple days later *voila* the scale is scary again. I know you gain weight while pregnant, I'm fine with that, I just wish I could stay between the little lines on the graph that define "normal" weight gain. Being above normal in most things is great, this just doesn't happen to be one of them.

New Camera Joy

There is quite possibly nothing better. When we have a second child, all I need to do is buy a new camera to insure there are plenty of pictures taken of her/him too. I feel like Ansel Adams, this baby's sweet.

Seriously Overdue

While I have an excuse that lasted until last Friday, I don't have one that works for the nearly week that has passed since.

Awkward Moment Yesterday:

I went to the library to return a book and decided I should see if I needed any others while I was there. I got all excited about a new geochemistry textbook, then I saw a nice text on mass spectometry, then one on quantitative geochemistry.... soon, I had accumulated 6 more books for my office bookshelves. That's the beauty of college libraries, you can check things out for so long you move them to the bookshelf and soon forget you don't own them.

Anyway, as I was checking out, a prof. from our department came in to buy coffee (coffee shop in the library, how cool is that). He took one look at me and said "Now it's official". I had no idea what he was talking about and assumed it was the mountain of books I was checking out. As in "Now it's official, you're a geek". So I say "Yep, gotta load up" as I'm walking out of the library. Then I hear him say "Congratulations" when I'm already out the door. Doh. Did I just refer to being pregnant as "loading up"?

I have ranted on here before about the oddity of "congratulations" when you're pregnant, but I just discovered a new use. It's a helpful way to realize someone is talking about your pregnancy and not your latest hobby.

Side note: I ordered a new camera. This is to replace the camera that DH somehow managed to soak in beer. This is a very nice camera (by my slightly poverty stricken standards) and I will soon be posting lovely, lovely pictures. It shipped yesterday. I can hardly contain myself. For anyone interested, it's a Nikon D60, a very low end digital SLR, but an SLR nonetheless.



Okay, I thought I was done, but I have one more thing. I try to keep blog posts short, because who wants to read a treatise every time they log on. Anyway, I think I have the beginnings of being a bad mother. While sometimes I find it cool to feel her kick, often I find myself thinking "Seriously, I'm trying to concentrate. Save it." Everyone I talk to loves feeling the baby kick. I do like knowing that she's alive and, apparently, well. But I don't really get the beauty in feeling a creature kicking your internal organs. There's the novelty, I suppose. But I'm not all dough-eyed every time. And from talking to other mothers, this makes me a callous person. I'll work on enjoying it more.

Finito.

Finally. I have been doing nothing but thinking about the marine uranium cycle for the past two weeks. And it is finally done. To be fair, I will give it one more read through when I have fresh eyes in the morning, but I'm tempted to email it out tonight so I don't even have to do that. I'll restrain myself, though. I really thought I was on track to not have to cram at the end, but I was very, very wrong. As of Monday I was not certain it would be finished. Rarely do I have that feeling. And when my advisor stepped into my office on Monday morning to ask where my paper was, that didn't help. He was visibly peeved when I said I thought I had until the end of the semester (i.e. tomorrow).

Anyway, while it's not my best work ever, it's worlds better than what I feared on Monday. I'll just have to wait and see if the committee agrees.

A's out of town, so I had to gloat to someone. And unwind before crashing into my bed. If you've been on here lately you've probably noticed I'm a week overdue on updating my food of the week. That's how busy I've been!

Ummm.... crib.....

I logged on this morning to post a pic of our crib. And, truly, to avoid writing this odious paper about the uranium cycle. I'm sure most of you don't need details about why this is odious, the words "uranium cycle" are sufficient. To me, "uranium cycle" sounds exciting, but I'll spare you the details of why it's not as exciting as it sounds.

Anyway, the crib.

A and I put this together on Sunday and I think it's just beautiful. Exactly what I was hoping for, matches our trim, not overly cutesy. (Thanks, Mom!) One of the sides is cracked, but Albeebaby is sending another piece, so I'm happy. And as you can tell, it has become the much needed storage bin for all the baby crap we're accumulating.

But here's what this post has turned into. I logged on, and saw TONS of traffic on this site (yes, I consider 10 people a ton). Not sure why, but I like to have some idea of whether anyone in the ether is reading my rambling; I think I tend to hold my tongue more when I know that they are. And it was all coming from A real baby peach, a blog I discovered in my first weeks of pregnancy. The writer of this blog is due about a week before me, and therefore I felt a kinship with her blog from my early days (because 3 months is ages ago). I got a post from her a few days ago that she had discovered my blog, and my little heart went pitter patter. And now she has passed on an award to me, and I feel very humbled:


The citation reads:
"The blogger who receives this award believes in the Tao of the zombie chicken - excellence, grace and persistence in all situations, even in the midst of a zombie apocalypse. These amazing bloggers regularly produce content so remarkable that their readers would brave a raving pack of zombie chickens just to be able to read their inspiring words. As a recipient of this world-renowned award, you now have the task of passing it on to at least 5 other worthy bloggers. Do not risk the wrath of the zombie chickens by choosing unwisely or not choosing at all…"

Which is tricky, because I'm not much of a blog reader. And my favorite blog, Dooce, is widely read and doesn't really need an additional award. The other blog that I read, A real baby peach, nominated me, so it feels like a copout to just bounce it back. So I'll start with A Midwest Girl. Let me get back to you on the other 2, I don't want to make this decision lightly.

Anyway, in light of this prestigious honor, the crib suddenly feels so unimportant. But lord knows, baby's gotta sleep!

About to climb the skyscraper

Now that I am completely past my half-way mark, I find that it is much scarier on this side. I kept looking forward to 20 weeks; I know many people celebrate 26 weeks because it's viability day, but 20 weeks just seemed more significant to me. The halfway point is always encouraging. You're at the top of the mountain, see the great view and know you have an easy descent with a warm bed waiting.

But I no longer feel encouraged. In fact, it is not the relief I was hoping. It is like I took a long, horrid subway ride, and I ducked my head into the sunshine for a brief moment to the smell of hot dog vendors (their wares, really, not so much them). But my ultimate destination is the 50th floor of a highrise, and now I find out the elevator's broken and I have to climb 50 flights of stairs. I am just starting to climb those stairs. I'm sure I'll find by the time I hit 36 weeks that I really need to throw in a few more obstacles on my stair climb to fully describe what I'm going through.

My body is starting to feel very old. I sanded the walls of the basement on Sunday, and managed to pull a groin muscle. From sanding. I like to believe I really throw myself into my work, but pulling a groin muscle while sanding with my arm muscle is.... fail. It really is throwing myself into my work, I suppose,but only because my work happens to be the wall. This, on top of sciatic nerve hip pain, and I completely sound like my grandmother (may she rest in peace). Does this go away after you pop out the kid? Or is this really just the first step on the road to becoming a grandmother?

The last fear I'll leave you with tonight is from my birthing class. I really, really love the class, but it does leave me slightly terrified. I watched a human come out of another human's vagina tonight. Were you aware this is how it works? I think the one day I played hooky in High School was the day they must have covered this. I've seen this in Sci-Fi movies again and again: human gives birth to creature. Why am I all of a sudden supposed to believe this is normal?

Seriously Crunchy

I have always considered myself to fall on the crunchier end of the spectrum. In actuality, though, I am not very far left of center. I love me a hot shower and 70 degree house in a Minnesota winter. But seeing all my little diapers hanging on the line likely makes the neighbors think we're the crazy eco-threat to the neighborhood.

Though if I was truly crunchy, I would have planned better than to hang up my freshly prepped diapers right before a thunderstorm hit. Doh.

In other news: I performed my first belly check yesterday. That is, I tried to squeeze by my friend standing in a hall, only to completely knock her over due to my uncomprehended bulk.

Frivolous baby purchase

This brings my total of frivolous baby purchases to two, which is pretty damn good in my book. And damn, tell me this ain't cute? Good lord, I'm going to be one of those women. This comes from a lovely seller on Etsy...

Diaper World

Lordy! I'm not sure why, but I have been on a diaper-accumulation-spree. Partially because there are many good sales for earth day, but partially because I just can't stop myself. There is something about having a "stash" that makes me feel all warm and secure. Very squirrel like, stocking up my acorns. But these are diapers, how can they give me that feeling! I really don't know. But I am so proud of the stash I have now accumulated, all at amazing prices. I even had to write it all down, to finish off that warm and fuzzy feeling. So far:

• 12 infant prefolds
• 6 x-small thirsties covers
• More snappies than one really needs, certainly (6, I think. I was confused by what they do and went overboard)
• 6 small thirsties all-in-ones (v1, I think)
• 6 BumGenius 3.0 one-size
• 2 drybees bamboo fitted size 1

That's all for now. Though I think I need to exchange some of the thirsties covers for a size larger, 6 may be too many. And I'm in the midst of buying some Kissaluv 0's from a lady on the bump, along with a few more covers that I likely don't need (Bumkins, I think). Any cloth diapering mamas have any recommendations on where to go from here?

Yay! I got my first blog comment from a person I don't know. I'm not sure why, but this makes me happy. Somehow, the idea that people that don't even know me feel compelled to respond to my ramblings makes me happy.

It's a...

girl! We found out a few days ago, and I think it's really started to sink in. I confess, I was a little suprised, because I had myself entirely convinced that it was a boy. But I'm totally psyched... we're having a girl...

My thoughts on having a girl, thus far
1. I already feel a bit sorry for her future boyfriends. I think A will be the quintessential over-protective Dad.
2. I really don't like pink. I wonder if this is something I have any say in, or whether this just means she'll like pink that much more.
3. She's been kicking. A lot. This is a big part of the reason I thought it was going to be a boy, but it turns out she's just a kicker. She's likely to either be a soccer player or a hell-raiser. Or both. Oh dear.
4. I'd like to think I can do girl's hair and I won't try to convince her to chop it off. But if history is any guide, she may (like me) be doomed to short hair.

Best of all, though, is that everything was great in the ultrasound. No apparent causes for concern of any kind. In fact, nothing throughout this entire pregnancy has been problematic so far. I feel really, really blessed.

Came down with more food poisoning, or something of the sort, yesterday. I think my body is making up for the lack of hangover's by forcing me to puke for other reasons. Lord I hate puking. I think it has got to be the worst type of sickness, and it seems so frequent lately.

Other than that, we're starting to make our big ticket purchases. We ordered the crib and the car seat. We have one cheap-o stroller, which I hope to supplement by baby wearing and not need a second. I am, in fact, very excited about baby wearing. The idea of having a baby strapped to me all the time is actually really appealing; maybe because I've always liked kangaroos?

Impending sex

I'm sitting at my desk, doing work, and every once in a while I feel a little "tap-tap". I'll be in the middle of talking to someone and all of a sudden I'm not listening at all, I'm only wondering what's going on. Was that a kick? A punch? A head butt? Or I'll be deep in thought,completely forgetting there's another creature around, and all of a sudden I'm reminded. No, baby is not thinking about instrumental precision or global correlation of records; baby could care less. Baby is doing his own thing, thinking his own thoughts. So weird. It's odd to think I have two brains right now, and no clue what one of them is thinking.

This consistent motion just started yesterday; I felt things before that, but very rarely and very sporadically. I ::like:: this feeling, but mostly it's just odd. Hard to wrap my head around.

Next Wednesday we (hopefully) find out the gender. I feel like a relative is calling daily (often the same couple of relatives) asking if we know yet. Every time I say "Next Wednesday". Then they promptly forget and ask again two days later. Still, we don't know. Though I keep using "he" rather than "it", that's the closest thing to an inclination I have. My Mom called me yesterday; she finally gave in and *had* to buy a Momma and baby apron that was *so* cute. I scolded her early on about not going overboard and buying all sorts of things, and she's done really, really well. So I had to let her have this one, even though I warned her that I think it's going to be a boy.

Pregnant lady walks into a bar

I'm starting to realize that at some point it's going to be very awkward for me to go into a bar. Let me start by saying I am not imbibing in the bar, I stick to Coca-Cola Classic (which has been one of my only consistent cravings in pregnancy so far. That and brownies. Not too original here.) But I am part of a group of people that drinks. A lot. Daily, really. We are sometimes known as "geologists" but otherwise known as "drunkards". Our Thursday and Friday traditions involve a very dingy, smelly bar that was difficult for me during the morning sickness phase. Truly, it's kind of a Wednesday tradition as well. And then there's the Friday party. And the Saturday party. This is a week in the life of a geologist.

I continue to join in the weekly festivities, largely because I otherwise wouldn't see my friends. If you do a search for "geologist" and "beer" you'll see what I mean. In fact, the definition of Geologist in the Uncyclopedia starts "Geologists are 'scientists' with an unnatural obsession with geology (rocks and alcohol)." (BTW, I'm not really sure that sentence is logical, but you see what I mean).

But at what point can I no longer join? Or is there such a point? It's probably good that strangers look strangely at a pregnant lady in a bar. They're looking out for the future, right? But I always swore I wouldn't be one of those people who becomes a totally different person when they have kids. I haven't gotten to the have part yet, I'm still in the production phase. But if I give in now I'm doomed to be lame when I have a kid. And I'm still at that point where strangers generally won't ask if I'm pregnant because they might be wrong, but I'm pretty darn close to it. I need to start working on my comeback line now, I suppose.

Recovery

Well, I spent all day yesterday puking my brains out. Awful. No clue why, but of course I spent the day paranoid that it was more than a 24-hour bug. DH kept telling me it wasn't listeriosis but I kept thinking back to all the things I ate in Costa Rica that perhaps I shouldn't have. It seems to have passed, though my body feels completely wiped out. Perhaps as much from sitting inside, bed ridden, as anything else.

I must officially look pregnant, because people have started to ask. This was in Costa Rica, where I wasn't as covered up in sweaters, but it's nice to finally look pregnant and not just fat. I also had the first people request to rub my belly on Friday. They're friends, so I let them, but I still don't like it. I haven't really figured out how I'm going to respond to this. Chances are I'll just be passive aggressive and silently annoyed. *Sigh*

Last excitement on the horizon is finding out the sex in 2 weeks. I am shocked by the number of people who think it's awful I want to find out . I keep hearing "It's the last great surprise". Personally, I don't want any surprises at the birth. The more boring, the better. Furthermore, the majority of people who give me a hard time have never had a kid. I felt differently before getting pregnant, too. These are the same people who support a woman's "right to choose" but still feel they have the right to tell me what I should be doing. Irony.

Urushiol and mangoes

Just got back from Costa Rica late last night. Amazing trip, will post pictures soon. But at the moment, I feel compelled to write not about our trip but about an experiment I want to conduct on our kid.

When I was in Costa Rica, I ate mangoes. Because they are so, so good. I knew I was a little bit allergic to them, but it's been so long since I had one and I decided I didn't care. Well, as usual my mouth broke out. But I also got a rash on my hands, and yesterday I saw that it had spread to my legs. Itchy but not too itchy. A brief internet search this morning clears all this up. Mango is not actually in the fruit family, but is in the same family as poison oak and poison ivy. Which I am very, extremely allergic to. Apparently the skin of the mango contains an oil very similar to urushiol on the leaves of poison oak and poison ivy. If you've shown a previous reaction to poison oak or ivy you will likely show a reaction to mangoes.

BUT. Individuals from Israel who were first exposed to Mangoes, then to poison oak/ivy didn't show allergic reactions to either. My plan is to have my kid eat mangoes. Hopefully help him develop immunity to poison oak/ivy, which my dad and brother are also horribly allergic to. Any dermatologists out there? This is a study just crying to be conducted. My one data point will hardly be sufficient, but it is a compelling possibility. The idea of limiting poison oak/ivy allergies makes me giddy.

Karate kicks

I've been slacking in the blog department. But no more! I stopped by to see A on Sunday and he did another (short) ultrasound. I posted a few videos here, in particular this one:


Baby was so active!! Just kicking away, it's hard to fully see from these videos because they're so short, but it's amazing to me that I don't feel him yet (somehow all the violence in my abdomen seemed very male.)

But, alas, I must resist further ultrasounds. They're so tempting, because I have such easy access and it's so cool to see what's going on in there. But there is some slight evidence that they may be bad, such as "Prenatal exposure to ultrasound waves impacts neuronal migration in mice". Ours are very short for this reason, but it is likely best to avoid them in the future. *sigh*

Girls who like boys who like boys who like girls

A man got on the bus this morning. A very nice looking, older gentleman, maybe about 50. He provided ample ponderment for my bus ride. His hair was obviously dyed, likely even blow dried (something I put in the category of extreme male behavior). What I could not figure out was whether he was gay or a womanizer. (I realize the extremity of my stereotyping here.) Older gay gentlemen and older womanizing gentlemen are very hard to distinguish. Which I find ironic, because in some ways they are complete opposites. Or at least their tastes are complete opposites. Evolutionarily, this really doesn't make sense to me. You would think that what attracts other gay men would be different than what attracts women, but this is apparently not true, at least not in terms of appearance. Perhaps the only reason we like straight men is because they like us.

Addendum: Shortly before disembarking, I saw his cuff peek out from underneath his jacket. He was wearing a yellow shirt with blue polka dots. I decided he was a gay gentleman.

Note: Ponderment is not a real word. But it should be.

Baby is becoming a real concept. A real creature. In my belly. So it is inevitable that it dawn on me that baby is present for all my most personal moments. Not only present, but actually participating. When I take a crap? Baby feels that. Sex? Baby feels that too. Moments that I would normally not share with anyone, and yet I have no choice but to share them with baby. Maybe this is the beginning of the maternal bond, the loss of all privacy.

I've now begun my fourth month of pregnancy, and it amazes me how far I've come. But when I actually do the math, I've only been aware of Paras's presence for ~2 months, which is only ~33% of the total time I have left. Good lord, it's going to be a long year.

I felt my uterus yesterday; for those of you not up on baby progression, this was an external affair. This is something all the baby books tell you is possible around now, but which I've never really felt compelled to search for. But there it was, kind of unmistakable. A lot smaller than I imagine it in my head. A gentle reminder that all those period cramps that used to fill my stomach emanated from a very small place; a gentle reminder what a small space is capable of. Also a reminder that this beautiful baby belly that I'm getting is really just my internal organs and fat being pushed out.

I think I've left you with enough lovely mental images for the day.