Cleaning out the fridge.

The fridge being my brain.  I feel the need to update, but can't seem to find the motivation for a full-commitment, well thought out post.  So you'll get the crusty stale things that get cleaned out of my brain simply because they can't stay in there any longer.  Sounds appetizing, no?

1.  This pregnancy is going quickly.  I judge this, somewhat, based on how little progress I've made on the nursery.  I wanted to be done by 25 weeks, but I'm not even done painting the crib yet, which I've been working on for about a month now.  Oy.

2.  I love my pedometer.  I'm pretty sure that's like saying "I love support hose", i.e. not something you're really supposed to admit.  But I feel like when I get a lot of steps in it rewards me, and when I am a lazy bum it chides me.  Considering all I'm really up to at present is walking, it at least keeps me moving.  Good pedometer.

3.  I have been trying to avoid saying I hate my job, but I kind of don't like it.  I am trying to be grateful, and patient, and hope that things will get better.  I love my co-workers.  I think that in time it could become great, but I'm coming to realize I don't know how long that will be.  As it stands now, all day, every day, I work on reports.  Very long reports.  For months at a time, the same report.  It is often mind-numbingly boring.  I know that work is not always supposed to be fun, but I have had plenty of other jobs.  There are always pluses and minuses, but currently there are very few pluses.  The number reason I find my motivation is that MJ is currently THRIVING at preschool and I couldn't justify keeping her home with me.  So I might as well work.   But once I have another?  It's going to be hard to justify leaving her to go to a job I don't like very well.  I know you're not supposed to say this sort of thing to the internet, because it's bound to get back to someone who it shouldn't get back to, but that's what's on my mind.  Internet, are you tired of hearing me complain about my various jobs yet?  Because there's been a lot of that this year, I hope it will end soon.

4.  Yes, MJ is thriving.  Her teacher is AMAZING.  While I didn't come up with this description, her teacher reminds me of a very gentle and kind Mary Poppins with flaming red hair.  Every day I drop her off or pick her up they are doing something that looks joyous and educational.  They are pretending to be airplanes.  Or learning about caterpillars, followed by a snack of everything the hungry caterpillar eats.  They have butterfly cocoons in their classroom.  They are always reading.  They are always learning and it seems every bit of fun has a lesson couched within it.  I think MJ is in love.  She has become better at sharing, she has learned new things that she comes home and tells me and she enjoys every moment of it.  I realize "school" isn't necessary at 2 1/2, but the strides I see her taking make me question that.  At least for her, I know the right thing is not for her to stay home with me.

5.  I am psyched that my discovery of insoles for my shoes has cured me of back pain.  But I'm little perplexed about summer footwear.  I've been wearing Tom's without socks, and now my shoes just stink.  But I can't put insoles into sandals.  ::dilemma::

6.  My husband has been amazing lately.  So helpful, so present.  It has brought much peace to our household.

7.  There are so many things I'm trying to fit in before the baby comes.  As much friend time as possible, because I feel like we'll be house bound without much social life for a long time.  Lots of cooking, because I found it near impossible when MJ came along (particularly once she was mobile.)

8.  Some of my favorite recipes from this last week:
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/18/dining/basic-pizza-dough-recipe.html
http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2012/03/petite-vanilla-scones/
http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Arugula-Bacon-and-Gruyere-Bread-Pudding-350898

9.  It's intriguing to me how the more interesting my daughter becomes the less I have to say about her.  It's almost like words can no longer capture the person she's become so often I don't even try.  Pictures probably do a better job.  I am so proud of her, which is a feeling I haven't really had until recently.  She is compassionate with other children, and (usually) when she does something to upset someone she will feel awful about it and start crying herself.  She is independent and feisty, and prefers to do everything by herself that she possibly can.  She's not violent, she's good at sharing and she's curious about everything around her.  Granted, she's 2, so none of these are all encompassing adjectives.  But, in my limited experience with 2 year olds, she seems to be doing well at these things (not that I'm biased or anything).  And I guess I'm proud of her because I see her figuring these things out for herself.  We've played some role, I'm sure, through parenting, but I see her making most of these strides on her own.  It's kind of hard to have such an independent 2 year old, but it's so fascinating to watch what she's capable of already.

10.  MJ had her first dentist visit today.  As I suspected, it was mostly a waste of time.  But I guess now it's a little more familiar, so should she ever need to visit she might do better?  She let them stick their hands in there and polish a bit, which I guess is all you can expect of a 2 year old.  She was interested in it all, but after about 10 minutes was too antsy to sit in the chair and could only think about the playground I had promised her after.  All in all, a fairly uneventful milestone in her young life.  20 teeth, no signs of cavities.

10.  My fridge is exhausted.  It's not really clean, but I guess the things that had to be taken out were.

One year

On the eve of the anniversary of your birth, you are asleep. Even after two 2-hour naps, you were ready to fall asleep by 6. We stretched it to 7. This means it could be a rough night, so I better write this before I get too grumpy with you.

Little girl, I love you whole hog. I'm sorry that I sometimes get grumpy with you. I try to remind myself ::over:: and ::over:: and ::over:: again how short each little moment is. We are currently with dad at a conference. The most family friendly conference I've ever seen, which is pretty great. Today you got to splash in the waterpark and play at the arcade and run through a huge field. But I see all these moms-of-tweens jealously eyeing you, missing their own babies baby-days. This year has flown by, and I know it will only continue to go faster.

Last year at this time I didn't quite know when you'd arrive, but I knew it'd be soon. Each day seemed like an eternity. Now each day is an instant.

What are you doing at 1 year?

You walk like a wild woman. Everyone quizzically looks at you and says "Wow, she's awfully young to be walking" and I say "No, she's almost a year, she's just a peanut". And you are a peanut. You've been consistently at the 15th percentile, and I wouldn't be surprised if you've even dropped a little. I think that the massive quantities of food we feed you go into fueling your constant motion, and that you never sit still enough for body fat to accumulate.

You started in the older infant room this past week. They said you walked right in like you'd been there for a year, and apparently are no longer enamoured with Baby-Boy-S now that there are older boys to flirt with. They say you're very good and very smart. Of course I love to hear these things, and as every mom is convinced of their own, I'm sure you're the cutest-and-the-smartest-and-the-best ad nauseam. I am far more traumatized by you already moving to the next grade than you are.

You are actually more cuddly than you used to be. Now that you've found some measure of independence and can get where you want to go, you have decided it's okay to come back and snuggle with Mom. This is one of my favorite developments. You will sometimes nap with your head on my shoulder, as you did today, and it is the most heart warming moment of my week.

You are not much for being read to, though I endeavour to change this. You are far too interested in turning the pages yourself or walking off with the book to sit still enough for me to read to you.

You torment Vito, though not too badly. You love to dance. You have recently discovered the TV. You like to feed Vito his dog food. You like to wear my purse around your neck like a St. Bernard brandy barrel. You love all fruit, particularly melon and blueberries. You hate hummus. You love to flirt with strangers, and will make little, insistent sounds until they pay attention to you. You say "mama" and "dada" and "hi", and you sign "milk", "food" and "more". You are a pretty good though highly erratic sleeper. You love to climb up everything, including your dresser.

You may be the mosttraumatic but are certainly thebest thing that has ever happened to your dad and I. Happy birthday munchkin.

First Day

The fam left a few days ago.  And I then went into heavy duty work mode as I prepare for an (informal) presentation this Thursday, which is practice for a (formal) presentation at a conference in San Fran in a few weeks.  I also called our day care location yesterday to touch base, and it dawned on me that they might be able to watch MJ for a couple days while I get some work done.  It probably took more time to get everything together (bottle for every feeding!  bin for the diapers!  diaper cover for every diaper change(?)!) than she was actually there for, but it was amazing to have several hours of uninterrupted concentration.

When I got to the day care I was struck by how good this is going to be for her.  She constantly craves stimulation, and I know she will get it there.  More so than at home with me, when I'm doing work on my laptop and she stares at me like I'm the most boring person ever.  I really thought I would be able to leave her there with nothing but happy thoughts, but as I was leaving, I saw her sitting there, and she just looked so tiny.  Way too tiny to be entering this great big world on her own.  And I confess, there were tears.  But she was nothing but happy to see me 5 hours later, and I felt so much better having gotten some work done.  I know this is only the beginning.  I know this is the right decision for her; it's my job to give her as many experiences as I can.  It's my job to help fill her life with people who love her.  I am so thankful for all the crazy experiences I had as a child  (international travel at 5!  independent international travel at 15!) which I know were hard for my Mom (there were tears!) but which gave me so much strength and independence.  I want the same thing for my daughter, but I know it will never be easy.