Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Merry Christmas

Sorry Baba, but this is the only photo I took all day, so I had to post it.

She's talking to Greta, and Greta's talking back. I feel a little bit bad for not taking more pictures or video, but not really.  Because instead I Facetimed with my Mom during the present opening fiasco, and my Dad during Turkey eating, and my Brother during dollhouse-playing-time.  And I made some great stuffing, and fit in a run on the treadmill, and short pseudo-catnap, and all around felt like the most blessed Mama in the whole world.

Not least because I'm writing this out on a brand-spanking-new laptop.  A mac, I'll have you know.  Quite a leap for me, as I've been a PC girl my whole life.  But given the iPhones and iPad and AppleTV that have invaded our house, it was time.  (Sounds like a good house to rob, no?  I'll have you know we also have an alarm system and a vicious guard dog).

I should really be sleeping, as Greta has already been squawking like she'll wake up at any moment, but maybe that's a reason to wait?  Who knows, that's always a conundrum for me.  But now that I can write on a laptop that won't crash, cozy in my bed, with two happy little girls in the house, I feel that I must.

Christmas was... maybe over the top?  I don't even think I took a picture of our tree overflowing with presents, but it was ridiculous.  MJ got far too much.  The rest of us a bit more respectable level, except for me, who also received far too much.  I think the hubs was making up for previous holidays, in which he barely did much of anything.  I've spent many Christmases bummed at his lack of involvement (a heartfelt letter would have done the trick) but the past few years he's upped the game.   And this year he went a bit over the top, though all useful stuff that I'm sure he'll also enjoy (a saucepan?)  It's fun to get presents for a three-year-old, so I (and the grandparents) did much of it.  I knew I should have toned it down, knowing how much she'd get from grandparents, but that dollhouse was just like what I would have liked as a little girl... know what I mean? 

At any rate, Christmas was wonderful.  The presents, the family, the friends.  Baba and D arrived yesterday, followed by a Christmas Eve feast at some dear friends.  And in a couple weeks we'll see Nana, to continue the festivating.  I love this time of year.  And for the first time in I-don't-know-how-many years I don't feel the least bit let down by the holiday.  I don't know if my expectations have been sufficiently diminished or sufficiently changed or others have just filled in my expectations.  At any rate, not feeling a post-Christmas hangover is a nice feeling.  Maybe because Baba and D only arrived yesterday, and we still get nearly a week together?  Followed by more family?  Maybe that's why, because I feel like the true fun is just beginning.    

I feel the need to say a little more about our week, because I haven't said much in quite some time.  About a week ago I decided to start weaning Greta.  The decision was preceded by a particularly rough night, during which Greta woke up every 2 hours or so, and never went back to sleep happy but simply exhausted.  This was preceded by a rough few days that were similar.  The morning after the rough night, MJ tried to wake me up before her Dad took her to preschool and I snapped at her.  I was exhausted, and mean.  She only wanted to say goodbye for the day.  After she left, and I saw all the evidence of how much she had helped that morning (the stool pulled up to the crib, with all the toys she had brought Greta, presumably to make her happy!) I felt so awful.  All.  Day.  Long.  I wished I had the ability to text her to tell her how much I loved her.  As news of the Connecticut funerals trickled in, I felt so blessed and so dumb.  I decided it had to change.

For whatever reason, Greta was much hungrier and/or I was producing much less.  After a couple weeks time, during which  I tried to make up for it by nursing a ton, it still wasn't working.  Greta was hungry and grumpy.  I was tired and mean.  And MJ, who wasn't even part of that little circle, was also suffering.  So I decided to stop trying to maintain my supply.  I'm not actively trying to wean her, but I'm not trying to maintain my supply, which, for my body, has the same effect.  We still nurse a few times a day, but she is mostly formula fed.  I woke up one morning engorged, and that seemed to be the end of my body rebelling.  It seems to want to be done with this, regardless of how I feel about it.  

Although Greta is still not sleeping great, it's been a bit better.  Those few nights of sleeping all the way through the night were tantalizing, though, and reminded me of what I'm missing.  I would almost have rather not experienced that, because I felt like I was doing fine until I remembered what it felt like to not be tired.

We started solids a few weeks ago.  She. Loved.  It.  She'd grab my hand with every bite, trying to shove it in her mouth.  Instant fan.  However, I tried adding things other than just oatmeal.  Squash, sweet potatoes, peas.  Not so much of a fan.  And furthermore, she would often get fussy afterwards.  I started to wonder if it was making her uncomfortable, and she started to get less excited, many times refusing to eat anything.  So we held off for a couple of weeks.  I tried again today and she loved it again, with no apparent discomfort.  We'll see if it continues or not.  Either way, we're trying to be very gradual about it.  

That's all I've got for now.  Only a few more days until 5 months!  Amazing.

MJ is fascinating, as usual.  Always in search of a stage to dance on, and always imagining.  Pretending.  There is always an active dialogue of what is happening.  Biggest hits of the day: the dollhouse and the scissors, not in that order.  And the hot chocolate.  The other toys will get discovered in time, I'm sure.  

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Merry Christmas Eve Eve

I just wrote you a post.  And while it didn't say much, it's still frustrating when the computer eats it.  Sorry for the absence.  Dog-tired, computer woes, holiday fun, all my excuses.  Enjoy some pictures from Santaland.  Much Love.
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Thursday, December 13, 2012

Our winter so far.

As you may notice, the accidental photos turned a bit better than the posed ones.


Monday, December 3, 2012

4 months + 4 days

Whew!  The fact that I can form a witty enough title to make the lateness of this post secondary makes me feel better. 

This month has been great.  Greta is sleeping wonderfully (except for the week following that post where I said how great she'd been sleeping... so don't tell anyone that I said she's sleeping well....).  I finally bit the bullet and decided to stay home.  So glad about that.  She's napping pretty terribly, meaning she's often in bed by 6:30 or 7:00.  I remember how awful it was when I was getting home at 5:30, trying to get dinner ready, MJ was a hot mess, and then in bed an hour later.  So little time together, and so far from quality. 

Life has been busy, and Greta gets dragged along to all of it.  Showing the rental to prospective tenants.  Swim lessons with MJ (where she swam by herself for the first time tonight!! Proud mama!)  Walks to try to fit in some exercise.  At some point I know she'll be less flexible, but thankfully not yet.  For a while I tried to have her home to nap, but she is so unpredictable there's really no point.

Nursing is... okay.  This was the month without pumping.  Breastfeeding as it's meant to happen.  And it has mostly worked.  For about 4 or 5 days we even went without bottles.  But then she refused to take a bottle as we were leaving for a date night, and since then I've been giving her a bottle a day.  Usually it's formula or thawed breastmilk, pumping seems to interfere with our schedule.  Inevitably, if I pump she's hungry 10 minutes later.  So I just don't pump and have accepted that she gets some formula.  At our 4 month checkup she had dropped a bit on the weight chart, and the pediatrician encouraged giving her a bit more formula, so about a bottle and a half a day.  Which I actually haven't had much luck doing yet, because she won't really take it.  So it's possible she's just leveling out to a smaller size, just as MJ did.  I'm not too concerned about it.  In fact, I'm not too concerned what happens at this point.  She's 4 months old, two rounds of vaccinations, and if breastfeeding doesn't continue to work then so be it.  I like how easy it makes night time, because I can doze while nursing her and don't have to prepare a bottle.  But apart from that, I don't care so much.  And if she was eating more during the day maybe she wouldn't need to eat at night. 

Watching MJ and Greta become sisters is glorious.  Tonight MJ discovered that she can make Greta laugh, and it was wonderful to watch.  She would stick her face right in Greta's and laugh maniacally; it looked annoying to me, but Greta loved it so MJ kept doing it.  Yesterday, as MJ and Greta cuddled while we read books, Greta kept pulling MJ's hair.  But MJ was super patient and just held her hand so she couldn't do it, rather than getting upset.  I'm so hopeful they'll have a good relationship. Only time will tell. 

Greta continues to be mellow.  I think this may be my favorite age.  She smiles and laughs all the time, sleeps pretty well and is not yet difficult to watch.  She's cuddly and loves to be held.
This month the smiles were effortless.  As were the dimples.
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