Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Merry Christmas

Sorry Baba, but this is the only photo I took all day, so I had to post it.

She's talking to Greta, and Greta's talking back. I feel a little bit bad for not taking more pictures or video, but not really.  Because instead I Facetimed with my Mom during the present opening fiasco, and my Dad during Turkey eating, and my Brother during dollhouse-playing-time.  And I made some great stuffing, and fit in a run on the treadmill, and short pseudo-catnap, and all around felt like the most blessed Mama in the whole world.

Not least because I'm writing this out on a brand-spanking-new laptop.  A mac, I'll have you know.  Quite a leap for me, as I've been a PC girl my whole life.  But given the iPhones and iPad and AppleTV that have invaded our house, it was time.  (Sounds like a good house to rob, no?  I'll have you know we also have an alarm system and a vicious guard dog).

I should really be sleeping, as Greta has already been squawking like she'll wake up at any moment, but maybe that's a reason to wait?  Who knows, that's always a conundrum for me.  But now that I can write on a laptop that won't crash, cozy in my bed, with two happy little girls in the house, I feel that I must.

Christmas was... maybe over the top?  I don't even think I took a picture of our tree overflowing with presents, but it was ridiculous.  MJ got far too much.  The rest of us a bit more respectable level, except for me, who also received far too much.  I think the hubs was making up for previous holidays, in which he barely did much of anything.  I've spent many Christmases bummed at his lack of involvement (a heartfelt letter would have done the trick) but the past few years he's upped the game.   And this year he went a bit over the top, though all useful stuff that I'm sure he'll also enjoy (a saucepan?)  It's fun to get presents for a three-year-old, so I (and the grandparents) did much of it.  I knew I should have toned it down, knowing how much she'd get from grandparents, but that dollhouse was just like what I would have liked as a little girl... know what I mean? 

At any rate, Christmas was wonderful.  The presents, the family, the friends.  Baba and D arrived yesterday, followed by a Christmas Eve feast at some dear friends.  And in a couple weeks we'll see Nana, to continue the festivating.  I love this time of year.  And for the first time in I-don't-know-how-many years I don't feel the least bit let down by the holiday.  I don't know if my expectations have been sufficiently diminished or sufficiently changed or others have just filled in my expectations.  At any rate, not feeling a post-Christmas hangover is a nice feeling.  Maybe because Baba and D only arrived yesterday, and we still get nearly a week together?  Followed by more family?  Maybe that's why, because I feel like the true fun is just beginning.    

I feel the need to say a little more about our week, because I haven't said much in quite some time.  About a week ago I decided to start weaning Greta.  The decision was preceded by a particularly rough night, during which Greta woke up every 2 hours or so, and never went back to sleep happy but simply exhausted.  This was preceded by a rough few days that were similar.  The morning after the rough night, MJ tried to wake me up before her Dad took her to preschool and I snapped at her.  I was exhausted, and mean.  She only wanted to say goodbye for the day.  After she left, and I saw all the evidence of how much she had helped that morning (the stool pulled up to the crib, with all the toys she had brought Greta, presumably to make her happy!) I felt so awful.  All.  Day.  Long.  I wished I had the ability to text her to tell her how much I loved her.  As news of the Connecticut funerals trickled in, I felt so blessed and so dumb.  I decided it had to change.

For whatever reason, Greta was much hungrier and/or I was producing much less.  After a couple weeks time, during which  I tried to make up for it by nursing a ton, it still wasn't working.  Greta was hungry and grumpy.  I was tired and mean.  And MJ, who wasn't even part of that little circle, was also suffering.  So I decided to stop trying to maintain my supply.  I'm not actively trying to wean her, but I'm not trying to maintain my supply, which, for my body, has the same effect.  We still nurse a few times a day, but she is mostly formula fed.  I woke up one morning engorged, and that seemed to be the end of my body rebelling.  It seems to want to be done with this, regardless of how I feel about it.  

Although Greta is still not sleeping great, it's been a bit better.  Those few nights of sleeping all the way through the night were tantalizing, though, and reminded me of what I'm missing.  I would almost have rather not experienced that, because I felt like I was doing fine until I remembered what it felt like to not be tired.

We started solids a few weeks ago.  She. Loved.  It.  She'd grab my hand with every bite, trying to shove it in her mouth.  Instant fan.  However, I tried adding things other than just oatmeal.  Squash, sweet potatoes, peas.  Not so much of a fan.  And furthermore, she would often get fussy afterwards.  I started to wonder if it was making her uncomfortable, and she started to get less excited, many times refusing to eat anything.  So we held off for a couple of weeks.  I tried again today and she loved it again, with no apparent discomfort.  We'll see if it continues or not.  Either way, we're trying to be very gradual about it.  

That's all I've got for now.  Only a few more days until 5 months!  Amazing.

MJ is fascinating, as usual.  Always in search of a stage to dance on, and always imagining.  Pretending.  There is always an active dialogue of what is happening.  Biggest hits of the day: the dollhouse and the scissors, not in that order.  And the hot chocolate.  The other toys will get discovered in time, I'm sure.  

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