The May that was.

Greta's 10 month post is already late and will be later.

I've been meaning, all month long, to write something non-scheduled and non-meemy, and never seem to find the time to do it.

But at this moment, both girls are sleeping and I'm sitting in my childhood yard, the smell of fir trees and moss reminding me of being little.  I love the quiet, and it is something I continually strive to find in the rest of my life and never quite succeed at.  That kind of quiet that lets you hear the wind and the train driving by 5 miles away.  My inability to find quiet in my daily life is a source of crazy that will probably never go away.

Life lately has been bananas.  It seems I am always saying that, so crazy must be our modus operandi.

This month Greta really started crawling.  This is also the month that MJ adjusted to being out of school, largely because this is the month that the weather *finally* turned for the better.

We started off May with a visit to a Wisconsin cabin with some friends, a few of whom will be moving to England very soon.  Group parenting always makes things both easier and crazier.  The weekend was wonderful, but also brought MJ's nearest-death experience thus far.  She had been whining and crying all morning, so we put her down for a nap against her will.  We could hear her upstairs, still fussing, but gave her some time to figure it out.  After a while, her crying sounded desperate and I decided to go check on her.  She had climbed between the headboard and the wall (I have no idea why) and was wedged there, hanging by her shoulders.  She was holding herself up but obviously getting very tired and had slipped down quite a ways.  If she had no longer been able to hold herself up she would have dropped down and been hanging by her head.  It would not have ended well.  She was truly terrified, and had peed on the wall at some point.  It was a scary moment, and yet I know it will be followed by so many more.

A week later, some dear friends came to stay with us who are now living in California.  They have an adorable 2-year-old boy who is just as precocious as MJ.  It's so fun to watch him (and our other friend's kids) get older, and I'm endlessly curious about what they will be like in 10 or 20 years.  He absolutely loved to push MJ's buttons, and I felt like I was having flashbacks to my own brother 30 years ago.  And I found the exact same expressions coming out of my mouth that I remember my mom saying "If you just ignore him and stop reacting he'll stop… he's only doing it to get a rise out of you…"  My advice fell on deaf ears.

The chaos of so many people in the house also allowed us to lose our dog, twice.  Once for nearly a day, and once for only half-an-hour, but I do feel bad for how he gets lost in the shuffle.  He loves the girls, and even seems to enjoy the chaos, but he certainly doesn't get the attention he once did.

The end of one friend's stay with us was met with some other old friends coming to town for a few days, followed by a trip to Oregon to visit family.  And that was our May.  Between working on the rental, desperately trying to stem the chaos of two (make that three) small children, and finally hosting some gatherings, my month was gone.  It was glorious, but it was gone, and there is Greta, another month older.

She is now crawling like a fiend, and looks like she'll be walking at any moment.  She stands with confidence and has started taking very tentative steps.  I find myself wanting to knock her down just so she'll crawl longer.  Crawling is such a quintessential baby stage, and yet has been such a short one for both of my girls (I say this assuming Greta's won't last much longer).  They are so very cute, wiggling across the floor and popping up in unexpected places.  I am not ready to pass one of the last baby stages so quickly.  I am not ready to start calling her a toddler and watch her hard-won baby fat melt away.

But with my sadness at seeing some things pass, there is some excitement about the new things.  The love that MJ and Greta seem to have for each other.  The patience (extreme for a 3-year-old, I think) that MJ has for her sister's hair pulling and  toy stealing, gives me hope and some (likely foolhardy) confidence that they'll be close in life.  Seeing Greta's adoration of her Dad blossom, and his in turn, makes her feel like a part of the family in a way that she hasn't yet.

I had grand hopes and plans about MJ's time home, and all the learning we would do, and it really hasn't been the case at all.  She watches more iPad than I would like (when I find that I am not going to be able to stay patient with her), and is far less willing to be "taught" than I had thought she would.  But she is starting to really enjoy herself, and her sister, and uses her imagination all day long.  My paranoid, inner-helicopter-parent, is worried that I am damaging her long term academic potential.  But the realistic part of me knows she's learning other things, and that in a few short months she'll be in school for two decades.  The bonds she's building with her sister and the memories we will make must be worthwhile.  Right?

Greta gets her own monthly posts, but I just haven't been documenting MJ enough.  Her favorite pretend-games (which she calls "kid games") are playing baby, making cakes, having picnics, pretending that *I* am a princess and she is leading me around (always saying "M'lady"), pretending we're getting married… there are many variations on these themes, but that's the basics.

When we're out in public she will randomly start dancing (mostly ballet, as learned from Angelina Ballerina and the 12 Dancing Princesses).  If there is someone playing music, she simply cannot resist dancing, and often draws a small crowd of onlookers.  She befriends everyone that walks down the street, and new neighbors often meet her before they meet my husband and I.

She rides her bike (with training wheels) so well that I have considered taking them off.  I often forget that she's only three, because she's so very independent.  It's not until I hear her voice on the phone when I am away (which isn't often) that I am reminded by her tiny voice that she is only three.  So much growing left to do.  I guess that's true for all of us, really.

It's true.

One is easier is than two.

I never really doubted it, but today I really felt it. Lately, really, I have felt it. I expected to be hit with a ton of bricks after the second was born, but that didn't happen.  Instead, it was a slow realization that life was not going to spring back to normalcy but would, instead, only get harder.

I've never heard a good description of this phenomenon, because, truly, babies are really freaking hard.

So here's my theory.

Babies are physically hard.  When the physical hardships get really bad they bleed over into mental hardships.  Changing diapers?  Gross, much of the time, but then it's done.  Sleep deprivation?  Freaking terrible, but when they sleep there's nothing else to worry about.  

The older they get, it seems, the more mentally taxing they get, and the less physically taxing.  I can imagine that by the time they're teenagers, the mental exhaustion has bled over into physical exhaustion.  The exact opposite of infants, in which the physical exhaustion bleeds over into mental exhaustion.

Which is probably why middle childhood is described as the golden years.  I already long for grand-children, and fully understand why my mom (and most mothers) was crazy for grandchildren when I was most-certainly not ready to provide them.

Tonight, my darling 3-year-old is galavanting with her dad and friends.   So I'm playing solo parent to an infant.  It's so easy that I don't fully know what to do with myself.  I almost forget what it's like to have hobbies.  I remember that I have them, but forget what it's like to experience them.

There's no real point here.  Other than to say, two are harder than one.  I'm sure that it never really gets easier, and even if it's "easy" someone else always has it harder.  Enjoy what you've got, but that doesn't mean you can't complain about what you're going through.

A follow up.

Two weeks ago we went to Florida.  Bonita Springs, near Fort Meyer.  I sort of dreaded it, because the four of us would be sharing one tiny room.  First world problems, I know.  White Whine, etc. At some point in the past couple years, I decided that it wasn't really worth it to travel somewhere and stay in a single room.  If we were spending so much to get there, and stay there, springing for the extra room that is found in, say, a suite, was always worth it.  With kids that go to bed early, it is totally worth it for the ability to stay awake and chat, especially since you're on vacation and can't go anywhere else since the kids are sleeping.  With two kids, that is even more true.  But we were tagging along on hub's work conference, and the hotel was full, so single room for us it was.

In truth, it was one of the best vacations we've had in recent memory (the girls and I, since Dad worked much of the time).  I felt like a whirlwind.  We were going from morning to night, and I slept so hard at night that I could never even remember what was happening when I awoke.   Not like me at all.

Looking through my photos, I'm frustrated I didn't take more of them.  I felt like I took a lot at the time, but we were going with such momentum that I missed a lot of things.  Like, for example, not a single photo of the water slide that MJ was obsessed with.  None of the turd at the bottom of the pool that shut it down for an afternoon (wait... maybe I don't want a photo of that... at least it wasn't my kid!)

There's not a whole lot to report, I guess, other than lots of splashing in the water and time hanging out with family (my Mom was staying at my Aunt's house nearby, and my cousin decided to come down as well!)  I wasn't sure how it all would go, and if we would get to see much of them, but we got to see tons of them, which was awesome.

The trick to all this, which I've neglected to share, is that the girls slept in the bathroom.  We made a little bed for MJ in the bathtub, and pushed Greta's crib in there as well.  No one was allowed to flush the toilet at night.  In truth, this is not the first time we've done this, and it has become such a habit that MJ is used to and looks forward to sleeping in the bathtub when we travel.  Some day she'll have to grow out of it, I suppose, but then Greta can have a turn.  I forget that this is not normal to everyone else.

A few photos of the festivities.  Not at all representative of what we spent our time doing, since there are so many from the beach and few from the pool.

I asked MJ to pack her backpack, but she decided that wasn't enough space.  So she took EVERYTHING out of our suitcase and filled it with books and toys.  It was hilarious, though I unfortunately didn't think so at the time.  

Greta is not quite as busy on the plane as MJ was at this age.  But still pretty busy.  Thankfully we've a few tricks now, including let her tear every page from a magazine, and the old standby, a plastic cup.  With a little bit of ice, all the better.

By the time we got to the hotel, MJ was quite possibly the most tired I have ever seen her.  Hot and sweaty, too.

The reunion.  Love these smiles.

The view from our window.  Totally lovely, surrounded by mangroves.

See these baby thighs!!  Amazing!  I'm making her spend a lot more necked time back home, just so I can catch glimpses.  

Greta was not a fan of these.  Neither was MJ, three years ago when I bought them.  But I made her wear them because I thought they were cute.  I managed one smile before she was through with them.

A bit confused.

Can't hold their smiles in.  Even when they don't want their pictures taken.

Love this expression.  "Help me, mom.  They're too much!"  I feel that way too most days.

The fountain below our window, 12 floors down.

A pina colada I weaseled out of Aaron one evening while he was schmoozing downstairs at the hotel bar. God I love these things.  I don't ever want to know how many calories are in them.  I think I don't.  I said the same thing about eggnog lattes, until I found it, and now I don't drink them. Maybe this is why I managed to gain 4 pounds in 5 days.

MJ's bed.

Greta's high chair.  Necessity is the mother of invention.

These guys were sports, when we dragged them to mini-golf.  Probably not how Sarah envisioned spending her birthday.... 

Aunt Phylis!

Papa Chuck!  Lucky thing we're not in stranger-danger territory yet.

Sarah and MJ, the drama queen.  "DO NOT TAKE MY PICTURE."

The trolley bus.  One of the highlights of the trip, apparently.  Not having to sit in a car seat is an amazing thing.

Total contentment.  What you can't hear is the waterfall from the pool about 5 feet to the left of them; so loud!

After about 8 months of swim lessons, I was curious to see how MJ would do.  Turns out, still terrifying to watch!  She thinks she can swim and is happy to go above her head at any time. 

Greta also loved the water, which was not all that warm.  But she loved floating around.  I loved wearing a swimsuit, doncha know.

The hammock we discovered shortly before leaving.  None of us were excited to return to the great white north.

This was a very cold pool.  I dragged MJ under the water fall after the kid pooped in the other pool... she wasn't ecstatic about it.

Gave the kiddos shuttling water in order to build a sand castle in the shade.  Very effective.

Sand!  I have a photo of MJ, one month older, wearing the same outfit and also eating sand.  Should dig that out.  We apparently don't have kids with sensitivities to textures.

Ignore the side boob.  Sorry about that.

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I let her chew on a shell.  How else are you going to raise a geologist?  

Our morning entertainment.

The grandparents, in their native habitat.

We're back.

I'll leave you with a few of my favorite pictures.  The girls were tremendously good travelers, despite staying at 4 different places in a week.  It makes me want to take them more places. Greta started rolling and laughing this week.  MJ started using incredibly adult sounding expressions this week.  At dinner tonight, MJ turned to me and said "So, Mom, how was your day today?  What did you do?"  I know who she learns these things from (me) but it is so weird to hear them come out of her mouth.  I don't talk to her like a kid, I talk to her like a grown-up, so I shouldn't be shocked that she's starting to sound like one.  But when words like "frustrated" and "compromise" and "suggestion" come out of her little mouth, it still sort of surprises me.

Many thanks to all of our hosts.  Let's do it again sometime.

 

 

 

 

 

Welcome, summer.

I wrote a post a week ago and never posted it.  And that was about a week later than I had intended to post something.  So I'm a bit behind.

Here I sit at 33.28 weeks.  With a photo from 32.86 weeks.  Having not written since 31 weeks.

I have finally gotten.... tired.  It hit pretty suddenly, I think.  I knew I'd been slowing down, in the sense that I wasn't walking as much as I used to because my hips hurt at some point.  But last week I realized that I couldn't do everything I wanted to (i.e. couldn't get everything done that I wanted to because I felt like crap when I did.  If I didn't stop myself and force myself to just sit down and rest, I would get so tired I felt like passing out.)

Part of it, undoubtedly, is that summer hit last weekend.  The temperatures got into the 90's, and I became an uber bitch.  I realized that the heat just puts me over the edge.  Usually I can deal with one thing well, two things start to get rough and three is when I become bitchy.  Being 33 weeks pregnant, I'm already dealing with one thing.  So if MJ gets whiny I am less patient than usual.  But if it's hot, and MJ gets whiny, I'm just a terrible person.  I didn't realize this until the end of the weekend, so I spent much of the weekend being super bitch.  Next time I may just insist on A/C and then those around me will be better off all around.

 I am looking very pregnant these days (see above if you need confirmation).  Everybody stares now, and looks like they want to strike up a conversation.  This is most common on the elevator.  Out of the corner of my eye, I can see the person next to me staring, looking like they want to say something.  Because everyone wants to know.  You're the automatic conversation starter.  "When are you due?  What are you having?  How are you feeling?"  No one can resist, so they stare, waiting for an opening to strike up a conversation, and I try to stay absorbed in my own world so I don't have to have the same conversation 8 times a day.

I love the question "Are you going to work right up until you deliver?"  The alternative, when you have a toddler, is to not work and to stay home, presumably with your toddler.  And I guarantee that chasing a toddler at 40 weeks pregnant sounds way more exhausting than sitting at my desk all day.  So yes, I will "work" until the end, unless that no longer sounds doable.  I made it clear to DH this week that I am going to be needing more help.  That I will be doing less around the house.  I think he is starting to get it.

Let's see, other things pregnancy related.  32 week appointment (last week) went well.  Nothing to report.  I was up 36 pounds but haven't weighed myself since.  We met with our doula last week, which felt very productive.  It got us thinking about all the delivery things again.  By this point in last pregnancy I was obsessively reading books about labor and delivery.  A lot of Ina May Gaskin was happening.  And this time, I'm just not really thinking about it.  Avoidance, maybe?  I'm not sure that all of that focus did me much good last time, so perhaps a more relaxed attitude will be a good thing.  Sleep has become... intermittent.  I've been spending more nights in the guest room bed, because all the tossing and turning of the dog and the hubs seems to keep me awake these days.  I sleep well when I sleep by myself, but I think anything that wakes me up even a little bit reminds me that I have to pee and sends me to the bathroom.

The nursery still isn't complete, mainly because I've been busy?  Distracted?  Lazy?  Probably all of those adjectives work.  I get a little obsessive about planning the nursery.  It's probably my favorite baby planning activity.

This week I drove up to the Iron Range for a two day work trip. 

I spent a lot of time looking at mines.  It's something I find fascinating, particularly in person.  I struggled to take pictures that could capture the scale of these mines.  I didn't really succeed.  The pit in this pictures is about a mile across and 600 feet deep.  And man made.  I find these things beautiful, in a totally weird sort of way.  It was a great trip, but made for a busy week.

 Then I returned and landed myself at the OB's office due to uterine cramping.  After being totally freaked out, and doing some testing, we decided it was from all the "off-roading" I did driving around these mines.  All is fine, the muscle cramps have mostly gone away, and little girl is kicking away.

A friend of mine, whose due date was two days after mine, had her little boy this week.  All seems to be well, but it was very sobering to me.  It was also fascinating to see how "normal" he looks.  There's a full-fledged baby in there, something I can't really wrap my head around, despite having been through this before.

Travel and gestation.

 

The title pretty much sums up my current experience.  Last week I spent in Ottawa.  I don't have many pictures of that (other than one in my Twitter feed) because I spent my whole time in talks and seminars, and catching up on sleep.  It was pretty awesome.  When I first discovered I would need to go on this trip (for work) I was kind of bummed.  Five days away, more than I've been away from MJ for her entire life  But as the day approached, I realized how exhausted I was, and how much five days away would be appreciated.  And the work aspect was pretty good, too.

8 hours after arriving back in Minnesota, we left for a trip to Madeline Island.  We went with some friends, and really had a nice time.  I planned the trip and convinced others to join, so I felt somewhat responsible for the crappy weather we experienced.  Nothing that could have been predicted, and we still had a nice time, but less outside time than I had hoped.  We have one more trip planned to a friends cabin in a few weeks, and then we hunker down.

31 weeks today.  35 pounds gained.  Although I spent my early pregnancy stressed about weight gain, I have now given up.  I have been active, eating fairly well, but my body just likes to gain weight.  And the thing I was most worried about, becoming incredibly uncomfortable, has not happened.  I still feel very good at 31 weeks.  I can still go for somewhat long walks.  Although I can tell I'm starting to slow down, I'm feeling so much better than I did last pregnancy that I'm just going to roll with the next couple months. 

I did invest in some more maternity clothes.  I realized what a scrub I looked like at work and decided I needed to fix it.  I just didn't even feel good in my own skin.  I tried to invest in things that were non-maternity and which I can wear post-maternity, we'll see if it works like I plan. 

Everything else has been going well.  Movement has been intense.  MJ is still excited, though tonight we had a conversation about the downsides of her future sister.  I pointed out that her sister will sometimes steal her toys and argue with her.  So MJ got down next to my belly and whispered "Please, please don't steal my toys.  Please?  Please?"  She likes to take her sister's pajamas and dress her babies in them. 

After spending the weekend with a (very cute) four-month old we had a healthy reminder of what we're in for.  Going back to feeding and changing round the clock, as well as very little sleep, will be hard.  We're finally getting to a point of independence with MJ (did I mention her dad potty trained her while I was in Ottawa?), and then we go back to square one.  I'm still excited, but I've resolved to really enjoy the next 2 months. 

Edit:  If you hadn't noticed, there are some pictures up there that aren't showing up.  They're on my home computer, so for now you'll just have to hold your horses.  Will repost them soon.

All About MJ

This last weekend the fam had our first visit to Chicago.  It was a nice getaway, and our first family trip in quite a while.  It was also a reminder that, although the Twin Cities are a "big" city, they are not big in the way that some places are.  All in all, while nice to visit, I'm glad to have our small city to come home to.

It was also a weekend in which I started to come to terms with the fact that MJ is becoming a three year old.  It started exactly two weeks ago today.  At first I attributed it to poor sleeping.  While I still think poor sleeping plays a role in some of her poor behavior, I am starting to think this is an age thing.  Having never had a three year old before, it took me a while to notice the symptoms.  But it took the eloquent words of Dooce to give me the "aha" moment....  A few of the symptoms:

1.  Foot stomping when I deny a dinner of ice cream.

2.  A default to whiny voice.  This is probably the one I have the least patience with.

3.  Daily tantrums.  Less fulfilling than my word of the day emails.

While visiting Chicago, we went to the aquarium.  I used to love aquariums, but I am coming to despise them.  I think we've taken MJ to 3 or 4 aquariums in her short life.  They always seem like a good kid activity that is also interesting to adults.  Win win all around!  Only not, because they are always disastrous.  I have thought that perhaps it is coincidental, but I am starting to think it is not.  It is simply too much to expect this kid to enjoy things that she cannot directly participate in.  And aquariums are most definitely not participatory.  You are expected to just watch.  No running?  No hands in the water?  No licking the glass?  No.  No.  No.  

Her tantrums have become... intense.  As everything with this kid has been, I expect "three" will be extreme.  I think it is particularly hard because 2 has been such a magical age.  It started almost exactly a year ago.  She has been sweet, and curious, and joyous and everything I could want in a kid.  She is still a great kid, but now she has such strong opinions!  About the way things should be!  Like the right way to get to the grocery store!  "It's not this way mom!"  About where Baby should be put for the night!

So that was our weekend.  And then I came home to, among other things, a very sad blog roll.  It seems there is much tragedy in some of the blogs I have been following.  It makes all these concerns seem so petty.  And they are.  But you know what?  We, as humans, are designed to dwell in the petty.  You cannot live every day immersed in drama and trauma, on the edge of your seat.  It's not good for you.  It's okay to feel petty things sometimes, because otherwise we would only be feeling big and important things, and that is simply exhausting.  So I'll just appreciate that I get to feel petty things for the time being, and feel lucky I am not feeling important things right now.

But this girl?  She is still amazing.  And hilarious.  My favorite comment of the trip occurred when we reached altitude.  I told her we were in the air now, and she looked out the window at all the tiny houses (we weren't very high, it was a short flight).  And she looked around on the plane.  And then asked "Why isn't everybody flapping their arms?" 

She is also at the age where she busts out embarrassing comments and questions at every turn.  

"Is that a baby?"

"No Mj, I think he's about your age"

"Then why does he have a nuk?  Only babies have nuks.  He shouldn't have a nuk."

I'm certain his Mom heard my daughter criticize her parenting.  

A favorite is her asking me the name of everyone that walks by our house.  Often it is a neighbor, whose name I should know but don't.  And so I cowardly pretend I didn't understand her toddler speak, until she yells it so loud that everyone can hear it, certainly most can understand it, and possibly put together the awkwardness that is happening.

Or when she asks me, loudly in public, "Did that woman poop on the potty?  She has cake" because we have been so desperate in our attempts to bribe her to poop on the potty that we have even offered cake as an exchange.

This girl is amazing.  Here are some pictures of the past month or two to prove it.