Tuesday, December 29, 2009

The breast pump excuse.

Sometimes I pump just so I can surf the internet.  So that, if my husband stumbles out of the bedroom to pee (he works odd hours, and thus sleeps odd hours) he sees that I am pumping, not that I am playing on the internet.  So that, when he gets home, the whir of the breastpump can distract him from the fact that the house is still messy.  He's a good man, I'm not sure that he cares either way, but it makes me feel better.

It's ironic, then, how much of an inconvenience pumping is when I actually need to get work done.  I return to work in about 3 weeks and I am/not looking forward to it.  I miss adults.  But I know I will miss my baby.  I have yet to figure out my pumping strategy.  I think it may my happen in the bathroom (gross, you say).  But there's probably only about 5 women who use our restroom, and there's a little couch in there on which ladies chat on their cell phones, so that I get to hear about their cat while a take a crap.  I plan to strike up a conversation with everyone who comes in to use the restroom while I'm pumping. 

Which  reminds me of a story.  (I try to keep these posts short, but this is a good one.)  When I was a sophomore in high school I attended the homecoming dance with a guy I wasn't very into.  I had agreed to go with him weeks before the dance, and was very disappointed when the guy I actually liked asked me a week before the dance and I had to say no.

So while I was at dinner with guy-I-wasn't-into, guy-I-was-into walked in with his (very hot) date.  I felt a little woozy and got up to go to the restroom. 

I grew up in a weird town, where hippies go to retire (which often happens at age 19).  In the restroom was a woman standing, buck naked, staring at the door.  I was already too shaken up by the date incident to know what to say, so I went directly into the stall.  And she struck a conversation with me, as though it was the most normal thing in the world that she was there.  It wasn't until I left the bathroom that I realized I didn't see a pile of clothes anywhere in the bathroom.  I still wonder about that.

Anyway, I aim to be that creepy woman.


  1. OMG I was laughing at your story. Now I'm wondering where her clothes were too!

  2. Don't you live in MN? State law requires that your employer make available a place to pump (door and lock) that is not a bathroom. Because, really, who wants food "made" in a bathroom?

    Loved the story, by the way. Now I'm going to think about it and wonder...

  3. I have a place I can pump, but it's about a 10 minute walk. In reality, I haven't really decided where I should pump. It will depend on how much my office mates are around, and thus how private my own office is. I'm sure it will work itself out.