I had to fight the urge to forgo posting that second picture, because I look like a hot, sweaty mess. But really, that's probably what I look like all of the time, so I might as well be authentic, and MJ is looking awfully sweet. The belly is a full fledged seat these days.
I had my 39 week appointment today. Pretty much zero progress. I know these things supposedly mean nothing, but the scientist in me wants every data point possible. I can't help feeling that if we actually plotted all of this data on effacement, dilation and eventual delivery, there really would be something useful there. But Google Scholar showed me nothing useful on the subject. It's almost like OB's want to study useful things like how to prevent pre-term labor and when induction is appropriate. My impatient curiosity doesn't seem to be significant enough.
A woman in Target the other day informed me that I have dropped. She says she used to be a labor and delivery nurse. I've had a few people telling me this for weeks, but I actually agree with this woman. The pelvic pressure has been much more severe the past few days. Apparently I'm -1 station, which I think is what I was last week, but this week I feel it more.
In general, I've done a better job this week of just letting it be. Embracing our time as a family of three. I think this was helped by some random contractions about a week ago that were quite painful. And all of a sudden I remembered, oh yeah, this is kind of going to suck. In general, if I know something is going to suck I just want to be done with it. But at that moment I decided it can wait a little longer.
I'm trying not to wish the summer away. Between the intense heat and just wanting to be done, I'm having a hard time. I had plans to take MJ to the pool so much this summer. So far? Not once. That sounds super lame. I'm still working to get the nursery ready, making curtains and sewing a banner. I love how it's coming along. Will post pictures soon. I suspect I will keep working on it until the baby comes, just because I can, and then will call it done whenever she arrives.
My most awkward pregnancy moment of the week. In the locker room after swim lessons, standing there in my maternity swimsuit with MJ, waiting for the one shower. A VERY obese woman walks by, looks at me and says "Oy! I wouldn't want to be you, you look so uncomfortable!" I smile and say something innocuous, meanwhile thinking "You look way more uncomfortable than I feel." But then, as the woman waddles away, MJ yells out "Why is she walking like that? What's wrong with her?" Thankfully the woman responded by turning around and saying "I have bad knees" because I had not a clue what to say to her at that instant.
I'm not sure what else I have to say. I'm tired of all the commentary. I know people are trying to be nice and friendly, but it just gets so old. I dread the elevator ride, because I always get bombarded. I'm tired of work, even though the alternative would be staying at home in a hot house. I'm tired of getting so fatigued by a short walk. I have to remind myself I'm dragging around an extra 44 lbs of weight, of course that's tiring (and thankfully my weight has plateaued these last weeks.) Also, thankfully, I got a surge of energy about a week and a half ago. Nesting, possibly? Though I don't remember having it with MJ. But I don't feel nearly as fatigued as I did, and I enjoy having the energy to cook and get stuff done again. I'm tired of none of my clothes fitting.
I'm tired of the unknown. DH doesn't understand why I'm making myself so crazy. The best analogy I can think of is that I've just taken a very long hike, and on top of that I know I need to run a marathon, it's going to start soon, I just don't know when. But I have to keep hiking until the marathon starts. So the longer it goes, the more tired I'll be. Get it? Probably no. But that's what I've got.
And then there was my freakout trip to labor and delivery last week. Because she had decreased dramatically in movement. And I woke up in the middle of the night, couldn't get her to move, and drove myself to L&D. Pretty hysterical. Panicking, probably. She was totally fine, and she's back to her old level of movement, but that's apparently what late pregnancy does to me. It's hard for me to accept that a baby who only moves five times in an hour is doing fine, when she generally moves that often in a five minute span.
So there you have it. I'm still loving Spacefem's statistics, which tells me I have about a 3% chance of delivering today, which will climb to ~6% per day at the end of the week. That being said, I have only about a 30% chance of delivering by the end of the week. But about a 75% chance of delivering in the next two weeks (all of these are non-induced numbers). The last two weeks has pretty much flown by, so perhaps the next two will as well.