I'm going to be tired later today, but at the moment I simply can't sleep. After an hour of doing everything but, I've thrown in the towel. 6 1/2 hours is never enough, I know that, but it's survivable. I can see MJ on the monitor, in the early throes of waking up. This is my last possible moment of quiet in the day.
At 21 weeks I have gained 19 pounds, a few pounds more than I should at this point. At 21 weeks I already feel huge, though I think, objectively, I'm still in the "cute" pregnant stage, not yet grotesque. It is making me realize how much more comfortable I'd remain if I could gain the recommended lower bound of 25 pounds, rather than the 45+ of last pregnancy. Are you guys tired of hearing me obsess about weight gain yet? I thought so. (On a side note, MJ is now awake, "reading" in bed to the light of her nightlight. I often wonder how long she sits there happily doing this.)
The running has pretty much ceased, largely because the weather has been so phenomenal we've been going for nice long walks. DH and I got pedometers through a health insurance wellness program, and love them. I feel like it keeps me much more accountable to my level of activity, and days when I'm tired and would otherwise sit on the couch, I look at the low number and know I need to get up and go for a walk.
The big news this week, of course, was finding out the gender. And that everything looks good at this point. We got a clear shot of the goods, so the gender is not really in question. I couldn't be more proud of the hubs for how much he doesn't care that it's not a boy. I think there was a brief moment of "But I want to take my kid hunting!" followed by a realization that MJ would probably be happy to go hunting. As for myself, I anticipate a bit more drama with two girls than there might otherwise be, but I'm hopeful that means that someday they'll be closer. I know these are all gender biases, and the reality may be totally different. But I told the hubs that it's his job to encourage tom boys.
Calling baby a "her" definitely helps humanize her more. And, this being the second time, she feels like more of a real person, that will someday turn into as interesting a little person as MJ is. It's a weird concept, and still sometimes difficult to grasp. The movement has picked up this week, but is still more muted than last time around, and the ultrasound tech confirmed that my placenta is in front. She said that will likely change in the next couple weeks.
MJ is amazing with the baby, and excited. I thought maybe she'd lose interest because it's still so far away, but her interest has only grown. When I drop her at daycare in the morning she has to hug and kiss my belly before I can go, and she also kisses baby goodnight. She frequently asks how baby's doing, and what she's doing. And now that we've told her it's a girl she's told everyone at "school". And I say school, because this last week MJ transitioned to a new room at daycare, and is now technically in "preschool". Which is so crazy, but so, so good for her. It's more structured and more educational, and I already see the difference. She has "circle time" and has to sit on tape on the floor while they read a book, which she tells me all about. And they do a lot more pretend play, so yesterday I found her "swimming" under the table with her friend when I picked her up. She is so excited to go in the morning, and sad to go home (which makes me a little sad, but objectively happy that she likes it so much.) On days when work sucks and I fantasize about staying home with her, I realize it's no longer even really an option, because she wouldn't be as happy.
Part of what kept me from falling back asleep is knowing everything we need to get done. A lot of it is more "want" than "need", such as painting the nursery furniture and planting a garden. But I'm starting to feel my energy wane a bit, and some of the pregnancy soreness has started to set in, so I know I need to get things done. And we continue to talk about needing a new car, because we have a 15 year old one that I expect to die on us at any time (though I've been saying that for 2 years now), and another one that I'm pretty certain is too small to fit two car seats and two adults, though I haven't tested that yet. The debate has been whether to get a car with third row seating. They're much more expensive, but we have family visit us SO much, probably every other month, that it seems the extra seating will be necessary often. It's just a lot of money to think about spending.
Alright. Kiddo is still happily reading, but I'll take this opportunity to publish and hopefully post a picture later.