Sunday, February 19, 2012

The Glamorous Life

I say that in gest, but I've certainly been getting dressed up a lot lately.  My only remotely comfortable heels are red, so I've been rocking the black dress/red shoes look.  The above pic is at 16 1/2 weeks.  I must say, this time around the weeks have just been flying by.  I've been busy enough to be distracted.  But I think, more than that, I feel more comfortable with my existing knowledge and am not obsessively reading and learning about pregnancy and childbirth.  I'm just living my normal life, and the weeks slip by.

Last  night we went to a Gala.  This word always makes me pause, because there are two correct pronunciations to choose from, as well as the incorrect pronunciation I have to stop myself from using.  So we went to a Gay-la last night, for the fire department.  This one seemed to be a bigger deal than the others we've been to lately, simply because Senator Klobuchar and Governor Dayton, as well as our mayor, Chris Coleman, all decided to show up.  I'm not sure what about this event was so significant to them, but it was a little weird to see them all in one place.  Not that you all care about my political thoughts, but I was incredibly unimpressed by the Governor.  I guess this is just personal distaste, as he didn't "do" anything bad, but he was such a politician and seemed to lack depth (in full disclosure, I didn't vote for him, though I do generally agree with his politics).  The senator, too, was obviously in campaign mode.  Both of them talked more about themselves than about the benefit they were at or why the firefighters should be honored.  It was all about them.  The mayor, though, struck the right tone.  Said the right things.  Maybe because he actually feels invested in the fire department?  It was weird to be at a function where everyone was honoring St. Paul fire fighters, but no one actually lives in the city.  I don't think I met anyone else who actually lives in St. Paul, most of them live in the suburbs or further.  I felt gratitude to them, and I'm certain it's different if you don't live here.  Knowing that these are the guys that will show up on your doorstep if you call 9-1-1 can't help but make you feel a little more indebted.

Last night, while sitting at dinner, I felt my first "interrupting" kicks.  In general I feel what can only be described as "rustling"; like something is happening, but it's indistinct.  Last week while lying in bed I felt actual movement, but nothing distinct since then.  Then, while talking at dinner, I felt three distinct taps in my abdomen.  Maybe baby will be political?

At some point I owe you all a work post.  Having started a new job and changing our entire routine, it seems worth mentioning, doesn't it?  In truth, it's been a bit boring.  I like my coworkers, and I feel that in time it will get better, but right now I'm just writing a report.  All day, every day, and there's not a lot to say about that.  I think once I get involved in more projects, I will come to like it better.  I think, too, I just continue to question my decision.  I find myself wishing I could spend more time with MJ, and missing her.  But I remind myself that before, I found myself not enjoying my time with her, and being short with her.  Now when I'm with her, I'm happy to see her and she gets patient-me.  If I'm not capable of being patient and loving all day as a stay-at-home-mom, maybe this is the better option? 

I also get a bit frustrated that such a large chunk of my day just goes to getting MJ to daycare and home from daycare; it's an incredible time sink.  It feels better now that I'm not playing solo parent (DH had a rough work stretch) but the math is still frustrating.  The other frustrating math came while doing our taxes.  I fear, if I really sat down to calculate it, that I'm paying to work.  Nothing saps your motivation to go to work quite like realizing the salary portion doesn't even matter.  And with kiddo #2?  It will become even more disturbing.  In some sense I'm lucky to have that as an issue, but there are times when not having a choice is nice, because it doesn't make you question your decision.  It simply is what it is.  I know this falls under the category of "wish I had your problems", but it still weighs on me.  I feel like so many women I know claim that, if they could afford to, they would stay home in a heartbeat.  I often wonder if that's really true.  If they were truly faced with that decision, what would they choose? 

1 comment:

  1. This last part of your post is so interesting to me. I think it's so easy for women to say "I would love to stay at home, IF I had the choice" - but would they really? I am of the not-having-the-choice variety and I like to imagine that I would be so blissfully happy staying at home IF I had the choice, but deep down I know that is probably not true. It still doesn't keep me from wondering about it on an almost daily basis though.

    PS your dress is super cute!