Monday, November 8, 2010

Indecision.

Clearly I don't know what I want.  All week I fantasized about being a stay at home mom, sparked, in part, by a conversation with my advisor about my lack of PhD progress.  This is not new, I knew this, but I like to forget it.  DH called me out when he saw my internet history, in which I had googled "how do you decide to become a stay at home mom."

But then, a weekend of hubs working and solo parenting makes me long to go back to work.  I love this little girl, but she is just so exhausting.  Within her first hour of being awake she had:
- Torn all the clean clothes from the laundry basket and scattered them around the house.
- Dumped a jar of oats on the floor.
- Dumped a bag of dry beans on the floor.
- Had a (oh-so-heart-wrenching) temper tantrum when I insisted her oatmeal cool down before she could eat it.
- Climbed on top of the end table.
- Fallen off the couch.

This in addition to the run-of-the-mill tear-her-books-off-the-shelf, throw-half-her-food-on-the-floor and take-everything-out-of-the-cupboards daily routine.

By noon I was ready for her to go to sleep for the night.

How do stay at home mom's do it?  I know they say to set one goal a day, and that's what I do.  But if I don't get her out of the house we both go nuts.  Though getting her out of the house is just as exhausting since she won't sit in grocery carts or high chairs. I supposed I need to become a more patient person.  And stop trying to accomplish anything, because the moment I sat down and played with her my stress (mostly) went away.

2 comments:

  1. I understand... Oh do I understand. There is nothing I think I want more than to be a stay at home mom and then the weekend comes and I'm so worn out and get tired of the fussing. I work from home and have child care here. Sometimes when I'm at my desk and I hear my daughter crying in the other room, I'm glad I don't have to deal with it. But I know I love her more than anything. I just never realized how demanding babies can be.

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  2. It makes me feel better to hear another mama say this. My child is so exhausting... I love her so much, but the idea of being the-only-one 24-7 is too much for me.

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