Wednesday, September 15, 2010

MILFdom and gender bending friendships

I'm fairly certain I got hit on at Starbucks today.

On Sunday, whilst preparing for MJ's party (the details of which I still owe you), I put my hand directly on a yellowjacket.  I haven't done great at not cursing in front of MJ, but that was a whole new territory of "not great".  Before my ring finger swelled up, I decided I should take my wedding ring off. 

So I'm going ringless for a few days.  Mr. Guy at Starbucks appeared old enough to have done the ring-finger-check.  It's nice to know I still got it.  Though Mr. Guy doesn't know that there used to be a lot more of "it", and his lack of suave suggests he was just going after the weakest gazelle on the savanna, it's still nice.  Before getting married I told DH that one of my goals in life was to be a MILF.  I never specified whose definition of MILF that would be.   

On an only-slightly-related note, I've lately been pondering the subject of friendship between men and women.  I remember (or, possibly, misremember) a conversation between my stepmom and I when I was a teenager and swore that some boy was "just a friend".  She told me that it's impossible for men and women to be just friends.  At the time I thought she was totally wrong, but after many (like, 5) dates-that-I-didn't-realize-were-dates-until-some-guy-tried-to-kiss-me in college, I started to wonder if she's right.  Not in the they-can-never-be-friends sense, but in the they-can-never-be-CLOSE-friends sense.  The kind of friend you have deep conversations with, tell secrets to, etc. 

Furthermore, the desire to have guys as "just friends" is seemingly far stronger from women than men.  Nearly every woman I know claims that "most of her friends are guys", which is mathematically impossible.  Granted, most the women I know are somehow related to Geology, so for this group it may be true.  But it extends beyond that.  In contrast, I have never met a straight man who claims that "most of his friends are women".  Men seem to understand the "impossibility".

So what do you think?  Is it impossible?  Do you even care to have close friends of the opposite sex?


  1. Ooooo, forcing me to think on a Wednesday morning...

    I had a lot more close guy friends before I got married. Even while I was dating my husband I feel like I had a lot more close guys friends (again, possibly because I was in the Geology field). But post-marriage, and CERTAINLY post-baby, I feel much more "attracted" to lady type friends than gentleman type friends. When I reflect on possible reasons, I think its probably because my interests and free-time activities changed from camping and rock climbing and hunting for clearance hiking boots to sewing and cooking and hunting to for clearance diapers. Maybe it is not that I want to hang out with guys less so much as it is that they want to hang out with me less... Can't blame em.

    Close friends tend to be in similar life situations and, as such, the guys who I feel close to these days tend to be partnered guys whose conversation revolves around things like whether lawns should be mowed in different directions different weeks and how one night attach x-country skis to a baby bike trailer, rather than guys who are planning a solo kayaking trip through the Quetico. In reality, my good guy friends these days are the husbands or boyfriends of my good girlfriends - its like they have already been pre-approved by the ladies I like, so I'm much more likely to enjoy their company.

    Great post!

  2. I basically could have written Maggie's comment word for word. Except replace "geology" with "advertising" (my former field). So I won't bother actually WRITING an original comment because it would just sound repetitive, and who wants that?! :)

  3. Well, you've got one here! I definitely, unequivocally, have more female friends than I do male friends. However, it is certainly not a preferred thing, since I am, at heart, a male. Seriously, right now I am desperately searching for more male friends, so that I can go see movies like Machete. Don't believe me, just ask Bridget! She is aware of my awful plight. I wish it upon no one.

  4. I've never really had guy friends, and the ones I did have were gay.

    Congrats on being a MILF!!!

  5. Since this was already sort of a pat-on-the-back post for me, let me just say I rock at choosing friends (not that I got to "choose" all of you, but for lack of a better word). I love reading the comments you guys leave for me, be they short or long they always make me smile.