Dog vs. Baby

I'm not sure which is more enjoyable to dress up... though baby seems a little more tolerant. This year Vito gets the shaft, it's all M.J. Here's costume number one, costume number two will be unveiled this Halloween Eve, pics to come!

Baby likes the boob

Honestly, breastfeeding's going great. At least, it's about 80% great; we do have our rough patches. She had one bottle of formula a few days ago (it's a long story, but I don't think it's a trend) and other than that she's survived exclusively on breastmilk. I can't help but feel a little proud, because I'd been told by so many people how difficult breastfeeding is.

But the problem I'm having now is that I sometimes fear she likes the boob too much. I think she gets that from her father. Often when I take her off, after she has stopped sucking, she'll look content for a few moments, and then start bawling. I cannot console her. She'll actually be a little better if I set her down. I thought maybe she's hungry, but she'll refuse a bottle (which she'll always take when she's hungry.) And if DH picks her up she is instantly happy. The problem? She's pissed that I took her off the boob. I'm glad she likes nursing, but I hate that I can't hold her for a little while afterwards. I think she's knows it's RIGHT THERE, she can even TOUCH it. And I won't give it to her. I'm sure this is only the first in a long list of things she'll cry about when I tell her she can't have them, I just didn't expect it to start so soon.

(And for all the attachment-parenting-breastfeeding-fanatics, it's not like I tear her off as soon as she's done sucking. But I can't let her hang out there all day, otherwise I couldn't eat my oatmeal.)

Entertainment

I'm not sure what I thought, but I didn't realize babies need to be entertained. The first few weeks she just *was*. She wasn't very interested in what I was doing, so I didn't worry too much about entertaining her. She was happy.

But NOW, she is paying attention. When I talk to her, she listens. When I read her a book she looks at the pictures.

And that means, that when I swear, she is listening. When I look at trashy celebrity websites she sees it. These are all things she may one day hold against me.

And, perhaps more importantly, I feel like I should be spending all this time teaching her. If she's paying attention, I should be filling her brain with brilliance. It used to be that no one cared how much time I spent farting around the internets (or at least A could deal with it) but now I'm supposed to be setting a good example. I don't actually think she is going to remember all the mistakes I make now, and all my swearwords, but at some point she will. And will I be given warning when this is about to happen? I doubt it. No, she will store up these events and whip them out and the most embarrassing possible time, like greeting time at church. She will turn to a nice, elderly woman, and say "Douchebaggery".

So my concept of a stay-at-home-mom having time to do something other than childcare is quickly fading. I've never had a tidy house, and figured that if I did stay at home and still didn't have a tidy house I'd have time to do all sorts of other things. But now, I don't know how you have time to do anything other than stare at your child.

Foot in mouth... Madeline will learn it from me

I realized a few weeks ago that I hadn't seen my neighbor in a while. So when I saw him today, my inner busybody just had to know why. Are him and his wife getting a divorce? Does he have a sick relative? None of my business, I know, but....

Me: "Hey, we haven't seen you around much lately."
Him: "Yah, I've been on an LOA up at Hazelton."
Me: (slight pause) "Oh, that sounds fun."
Him: (slight pause) "Mmm... not really. I've been up there for about 3 months. I'm only here for a day, then I have to go back. "
Me: "Well, if there's anything we can do to help, let us know.

As soon as I got in the car with my Dad I asked him to pull out his Iphone (so that's what those are for) and google "Hazelton".

Results: Hazelden. World renowned addiction treatment centers, publishing, education, and recovery support.

Yep, that sounds like fun alright.

The most shocking thing about my baby

This didn't hit me until she was a few days old, because A is wonderful and did all the diaper changes those first few days. To be fair, I was recovering from major surgery, and needed all the help I could get. But, too, A is wonderful.

Anyway. My first diaper change. I had never changed a diaper before, but how hard can it be? They seem straight forward enough. Take off dirty diaper. Wipe off poo. Put clean diaper on. The shocker? After I wiped off her poo, I noticed that even her butthole is cute. A tiny, perfectly puckered little butthole. Brand spanking new. Barely used. The fact that even my daughter's butthole is adorable is proof of just how perfect she is.

One Month

And the smiles have begun. There is quite possibly nothing better than having visual evidence that your baby is happy.

The day after I had her it was in the 90's. Today there is snow on the ground and it's been coming down all day. Yes, she's changing quickly, but not as quickly as the weather. I do like snow, but it's hard to accept that winter is already here and won't be gone until April, at least. October is not supposed to be a month of snow; you can't see the leaves change color if they're covered in snow.


It's interesting to me that before I had her, when there wasn't much excitement, just a lot of waiting, I had plenty to blog about. Now I'm at a loss, and all I really have is pictures. She's a good baby, I have no complaints. She generally sleeps 4 to 5 hours at a stretch at night. She only cries when she's hungry, needs to be changed or tired. The rest of the time she's happy. I know I'm partial, but she's impossible not to love.

We've started taking her out more and more. I realize she's not yet six weeks, and therefore we're supposed to limit her exposure to crowds. But considering her Dad works in the ER, I'm not convinced that taking her out and covering her up is worse than just hanging out at home. She's at high risk for exposure no matter how you cut it, but it makes me extra glad that breastfeeding's going well.

So this last week we hung out with our friends on four separate occasions. She did great, and it was so nice to feel somewhat normal again. We're social people, isolation makes us crazy (A more so than me). It's nice to be able to have a baby and still feel normal. Last Thursday was the first day that I really felt like myself again. A had the day off; he had to run some errands and Madeline and I went to the mall while he ran around. I went dress shopping for this fancy dress event we're going to in a few weeks (Madeline's first babysitting experience.) It was somewhat discouraging to not be able to fit into things I used to fit into, though I realize it could be a lot worse at this point. Considering I was up over 40 pounds (I stopped weighing myself after I had gained 40) I'm happy to only have 7 more to go. Unfortunately it will be too cold to run outside once I'm cleared for exercise, so I'll have to get creative.

Anyway, here's some pics to celebrate Madeline's first month on earth. Many more to come, hopefully just as happy as this one was.

How I spend my time

The drama of my days does not sound very dramatic. But after just watching the latest primetime drama, I realize I prefer my drama. However small. My drama consists of helping my daughter find her pacifier after it drops out of her mouth, without doing all the work myself. Trying to decide whether she is truly hungry, or just wants the comfort of nursing. Bemoaning my stretch marks and slightly larger belly. Seeing that she is content enough to be put in the swing while I do chores, but knowing that if I do so I will miss one of her precious I-am-totally-content-in-the-world moments, which I will never get back. Crawling into my bed after she has finally fallen asleep, pre-warmed by my husband, and feeling like the luckiest woman in the world.

Alone

My Mom hit the road today. She's been here for ~2.5 weeks, and we've actually gotten along (for the most part). Her help has been a god-send, particularly at 6 am when I've gotten very little sleep. Madeline wakes up and is happy; all she wants to do is play and coo, and I am a bitter, grumpy, sleepless hag who is not into it. I'm working on it, but that is not my prime time. My Mom was always happy to take this shift. Madeline got to be her happy self, and I got to sleep some more. From here on out, I will have to summon my inner morning-person (though I'm not convinced that everyone has one of these, I'm hoping everyone does.)

So now, I think, the loneliness begins. A is back at work full time, my Mom is gone. And of course I know no one else with a newborn. So it's me, and the dog, and Madeline. As if to reiterate this fact, I missed out on my one chance for human interaction this morning. My friends called to invite me to go apple picking this morning, but I didn't hear the phone. Madeline's cry is far louder than a cell phone ring, and this was a fussy morning. So we went for a nice long walk, talked to a few of the crazies, and began to feel a bit like one. Okay, pity party done.