A follow up.

Two weeks ago we went to Florida.  Bonita Springs, near Fort Meyer.  I sort of dreaded it, because the four of us would be sharing one tiny room.  First world problems, I know.  White Whine, etc. At some point in the past couple years, I decided that it wasn't really worth it to travel somewhere and stay in a single room.  If we were spending so much to get there, and stay there, springing for the extra room that is found in, say, a suite, was always worth it.  With kids that go to bed early, it is totally worth it for the ability to stay awake and chat, especially since you're on vacation and can't go anywhere else since the kids are sleeping.  With two kids, that is even more true.  But we were tagging along on hub's work conference, and the hotel was full, so single room for us it was.

In truth, it was one of the best vacations we've had in recent memory (the girls and I, since Dad worked much of the time).  I felt like a whirlwind.  We were going from morning to night, and I slept so hard at night that I could never even remember what was happening when I awoke.   Not like me at all.

Looking through my photos, I'm frustrated I didn't take more of them.  I felt like I took a lot at the time, but we were going with such momentum that I missed a lot of things.  Like, for example, not a single photo of the water slide that MJ was obsessed with.  None of the turd at the bottom of the pool that shut it down for an afternoon (wait... maybe I don't want a photo of that... at least it wasn't my kid!)

There's not a whole lot to report, I guess, other than lots of splashing in the water and time hanging out with family (my Mom was staying at my Aunt's house nearby, and my cousin decided to come down as well!)  I wasn't sure how it all would go, and if we would get to see much of them, but we got to see tons of them, which was awesome.

The trick to all this, which I've neglected to share, is that the girls slept in the bathroom.  We made a little bed for MJ in the bathtub, and pushed Greta's crib in there as well.  No one was allowed to flush the toilet at night.  In truth, this is not the first time we've done this, and it has become such a habit that MJ is used to and looks forward to sleeping in the bathtub when we travel.  Some day she'll have to grow out of it, I suppose, but then Greta can have a turn.  I forget that this is not normal to everyone else.

A few photos of the festivities.  Not at all representative of what we spent our time doing, since there are so many from the beach and few from the pool.

I asked MJ to pack her backpack, but she decided that wasn't enough space.  So she took EVERYTHING out of our suitcase and filled it with books and toys.  It was hilarious, though I unfortunately didn't think so at the time.  

Greta is not quite as busy on the plane as MJ was at this age.  But still pretty busy.  Thankfully we've a few tricks now, including let her tear every page from a magazine, and the old standby, a plastic cup.  With a little bit of ice, all the better.

By the time we got to the hotel, MJ was quite possibly the most tired I have ever seen her.  Hot and sweaty, too.

The reunion.  Love these smiles.

The view from our window.  Totally lovely, surrounded by mangroves.

See these baby thighs!!  Amazing!  I'm making her spend a lot more necked time back home, just so I can catch glimpses.  

Greta was not a fan of these.  Neither was MJ, three years ago when I bought them.  But I made her wear them because I thought they were cute.  I managed one smile before she was through with them.

A bit confused.

Can't hold their smiles in.  Even when they don't want their pictures taken.

Love this expression.  "Help me, mom.  They're too much!"  I feel that way too most days.

The fountain below our window, 12 floors down.

A pina colada I weaseled out of Aaron one evening while he was schmoozing downstairs at the hotel bar. God I love these things.  I don't ever want to know how many calories are in them.  I think I don't.  I said the same thing about eggnog lattes, until I found it, and now I don't drink them. Maybe this is why I managed to gain 4 pounds in 5 days.

MJ's bed.

Greta's high chair.  Necessity is the mother of invention.

These guys were sports, when we dragged them to mini-golf.  Probably not how Sarah envisioned spending her birthday.... 

Aunt Phylis!

Papa Chuck!  Lucky thing we're not in stranger-danger territory yet.

Sarah and MJ, the drama queen.  "DO NOT TAKE MY PICTURE."

The trolley bus.  One of the highlights of the trip, apparently.  Not having to sit in a car seat is an amazing thing.

Total contentment.  What you can't hear is the waterfall from the pool about 5 feet to the left of them; so loud!

After about 8 months of swim lessons, I was curious to see how MJ would do.  Turns out, still terrifying to watch!  She thinks she can swim and is happy to go above her head at any time. 

Greta also loved the water, which was not all that warm.  But she loved floating around.  I loved wearing a swimsuit, doncha know.

The hammock we discovered shortly before leaving.  None of us were excited to return to the great white north.

This was a very cold pool.  I dragged MJ under the water fall after the kid pooped in the other pool... she wasn't ecstatic about it.

Gave the kiddos shuttling water in order to build a sand castle in the shade.  Very effective.

Sand!  I have a photo of MJ, one month older, wearing the same outfit and also eating sand.  Should dig that out.  We apparently don't have kids with sensitivities to textures.

Ignore the side boob.  Sorry about that.

Add caption

I let her chew on a shell.  How else are you going to raise a geologist?  

Our morning entertainment.

The grandparents, in their native habitat.

Day in the Life, Winter 2013

My last day-in-the-life was more about score settling than anything else.  But I found it really enjoyable, and truly enlightening, and plan to keep doing these.  Navigating the Mothership organizes these a few times a year, and I didn't realize she was doing another round until Friday night.  They need to be posted by Sunday night.  So Saturday it was!

As with last time, I will start with bed time.  Because babies work on a 24 hour clock, and the night time really determines the quality of the day time around here.
10:45 pm:  DH and I returned home from a date night.  I was feeling pretty good, because the girls had slept in until 8 am (!) on Friday morning.  Our "date night" was a work party, put now that I'm starting to know a few of the ladies it is getting more fun.  And since I'm not pregnant, as I was last year, I actually got to imbibe.  Probably responsible for some less than stellar sleep that night.  
11:00 pm:  Greta wakes up.  This wake up has become so routine that it often feels useless to try to go to bed before this.  If I tuck in at 9:30, by the time I'm asleep it's only an hour before I'm up again.  And that's if I'm in bed by 9:30.  As usual, she downs 4 ounces and goes right back to sleep.  Thankfully, although she's been waking a bunch, she usually eats quickly and goes back to sleep.  After she goes to sleep I wash bottles, and see that the baby sitter failed to feed her very much of the food I left.  I expect it to be a long night. I crawl into bed about 11:30.  DH is snoring something fierce so I move to the spare room.
3:45 am: Greta squawks.  Seems to settle.  I never quite get back to sleep, knowing that this means she'll be up soon.
4:30 am: Wakes up.  Nurse her, because I didn't pump before bed.  She keeps falling asleep on me, don't think there's much milk.  Finally give her a bottle.  Don't get her back in her crib until ~5:50. Half doze through all of this.  I duck into DH's room (our room, but since I'm sleeping in the spare room...) to tell him I'm going back to bed and closing the door.  I'll let him take the next wake up so I can get some rest.
9:00 am: Up for the day.  The girls have been up for a while, and I've half dozed but not woken up enough to ask DH to take them somewhere else in the house.  MJ screaming 5 feet from my head bounces me out of bed and I'm grumpy.  Letting me sleep in but then not trying to keep them quiet makes me less thankful than I probably should be.  I Give Greta remainder of bottle he started.  Then 2 more ounces.  Girl is hungry.  DH takes a shower, MJ watches iPad, we all cuddle in bed.  Girls are happy, mom is grumpy.  I think about my goals for the day: Squeeze in a run.  Vacuum.  Look over some rental applications.

The kitchen at the start of the day.

9:20 am: MJ bonks Greta with iPad.  Tries to redeem herself by blowing raspberries on her forehead.  Greta gets over it, followed by cuddling and wrestling in the bed.
9:29 am: My turn for a shower.  Weigh myself. 151.2.  The running is slowly dropping things, but still 9 pounds to go.
9:30 am: Shower while I can, shrieks from the other room, drown it out with the sound of water.  Ponder the rental.
9:38 am: Finished.  Apparently I really do take shorter showers than DH.  Get dressed.  So little fits these days, it's always a crap shoot.
9:40 am:  Hear potty talk from the bathroom, so reappear to scold the potty talk. Everything is "poopoo" and "peepee" these days.  Dad gets ready for work.
9:45 am: Greta still hungry so I try nursing her while MJ and dad go downstairs.
9:47 am:  Try to take a picture of dad in his scrubs but no space on my phone, must find things to delete.  This is such a constant problem.  MJ tries to help by "deleting" things from my phone sometimes.  Oy.
9:54 am:  Greta is asleep on me.  Extract myself to go make coffee.  Fail.  She wakes up, so we go downstairs.
10:00 am:  Start coffee pot.  Change our water filter and unload dishwasher.  Coffee pot seems to not work this morning; it works about 90% of the time, so I can't bring myself to get a new one, but then randomly stops working.  Bad morning for it.  Make French press, which is better coffee, but much more time consuming.
10:10 am:  Dad leaves for work.  He'll be done at 6:00.  He'll be working all weekend, so I steel myself.  The extent of my exhaustion sinks in and I want to cry; am super grumpy to everyone.  Try to keep it together so he doesn't have to leave a total train wreck behind. The run may change to a nap, though realistically neither are likely.

Dad leaving for work.  MJ has decided to wear my vest for the day.

10:15 am: MJ is going "shopping".  She is knee deep into pretend play as I just try to function.  She asks what I want from the store.  I say sleep.  She says they don't have that.  So I ask for cake.  She says they do have cake.
10:20 am: Coffee is nigh.  I don't know how any mother of young children could possibly function without coffee.  It is nearly a disaster in the house if I don't have some.  And we are apparently having a picnic on the kitchen floor.
10:24 am: Coffee. The coffee emboldens me and I decide to make a breakfast sandwich with some leftover bacon we have

10:29 am: Egg is cooked, muffin is toasted, food is done.  Life is looking a bit up.  Join girls on kitchen floor to drink coffee, eat breakfast and play.

So many fruits and veggies!

Morning picnic.

Somehow some play carrots ended up in my fridge after our picnic.

10:37 am:  Renew Craigslist ad for the rental that we can't get rented; Saturday is the best day for finding a renter and I want it at the top of the list.  Continue picnic.
10:45 am: Run downstairs to start cycle 2 of diapers.  Bring laundry upstairs.  Find shell in dryer.  Dream of Florida (which I will post about soon)
10:50 am: Put some clothes away.  Just the ones that are likely to get wrinkled before I get to the rest.
10:55 am: Vacuum.  MJ sets out to help me; she "vacuums" in the kitchen while I vacuum in the living room.  Greta is in the "circle of neglect" aka exersaucer.
11:10 am:  Success!  Feeling accomplished. Realize I need to start getting ready for 12:00 showing.  
11:14 am: Poopy diaper.
11:18 am:  Thaw milk for bottle.  Thankful for my large freezer stash so Greta still gets a bottle of frozen milk a day, despite my declining milk supply.  MJ continues helping clean by wiping down the table and floors with a paper towel and cleaning the living room.  She is actually being truly helpful.  It's pretty awesome.
11:22 am: Get MJ moving.  Socks, shoes, etc.  Winter makes getting out of the house such a chore.  Explain to MJ why she can't wear crocs (snow gets in the holes).
11:27 am:  Add "bath for Greta" to mental to-do list.  Grime in her neck folds is gross.
11:28 am: MJ starts packing backpack.  I get socks on.
11:34 am:  We're ready!  Now have 10 minutes to kill.  35 degrees out!  So don't need to start car. Enough time for one more cup of coffee.
11:48 am:  In the car.  While driving to rental, pep talk for MJ that she must be silent at the rental.  She is not allowed to ask the prospective tenant a million questions or be a disturbance.  
11:55 am: Arrive.  Unload. Greta thankfully fell asleep.

MJ explores the pantry.

Realize I haven't yet taken a self portrait.  Would you rent from this lady?

12:00 pm:  No one here.  Will be super annoyed if I get stood up.  Decide to color with MJ while waiting.
12:06 pm:  Call to ask where the prospective tenant is.  They got "caught up" and ask to reschedule.  I say don't bother.  I'm only mildly annoyed despite the inconvenience.  MJ, however, is super upset by this.  Weird.

MJ is super annoyed by the no-show.  Maybe she should be the muscle in this operation.

12:10 pm:  Back in the car.  MJ tries to convince me to go out to lunch.  I laugh at her attempts at persuasion, she's pretty convincing.
12:20 pm: Another rental call.  Try to tactfully explain it's in the ghetto without dissuading a potential renter. These folks live in Shakopee,  I settle on the descriptor "urban".
12:26 pm: Back home.  No plans to leave for the rest of the day, which is such a glorious feeling.  Especially in the winter.
12:30 pm: Greta is awake.  Set her down with a toy and get 5 minutes of calm to go to the bathroom.
12:36 pm:  PB&J for MJ. Heat up Mac and cheese.  My lunch consists of the food MJ doesn't eat.
12:43 pm:  Nurse Greta. MJ finishes lunch and continues wiping down the floor.  Kind of weird, but she's into it.
12:55 pm:  Read Cinderella while nursing.  Lots of Cinderella love in the house these days.  Change descriptors while reading so as not to suggest that good people are pretty and bad people are ugly; someday she will be able to read and I will no longer have this freedom.
1:05 pm: Finish and tuck MJ in for a nap.  Swaddle Greta and get a bottle in hopes she'll fall asleep

Swaddled, but obviously not asleep.

1:15 pm:  Girlfriend still hungry.  Give a little more, she seems starving today.
1:25 pm:  It is clear she is not sleeping.  Although there are some eye rubs and yawns, an awful lot of smiles.  I was hoping she would nap while MJ does so I could run on the treadmill downstairs.  I decide to get creative and get my running clothes on.  I take her downstairs, with a bunch of toys in a cradle and hope she'll be entertained by watching me.

Hoping this will work....

1:32 pm: On the treadmill, warming up.  It seems like this just might work...

My biggest fan, apparently.  And with less commentary than MJ insists on providing when I run. 

2:03 pm: Done! 2.42 miles!  Week 5 of C25K completed!  Thought she might fall asleep but she didn't.  She did play a bit and just was happy cooing away.   I'm not sure if she could see the iPad or not.  Rest. Play with Greta
2:08 pm:  Messy diaper.  Two in one day is a rarity for her, so it must be bath time.
2:18 pm: Bath done.  Play!  Get dressed.

Look at those adorable thighs!

2:24 pm:  Return rental calls.  Play with Greta's toes by the fireplace.  Practice rolling.  She seems like she'll start crawling before she really starts rolling; she's only done it a few times and it is just not happening.
2:42 pm:  She's fussy.  Nurse her in hopes of getting her to fall asleep.  It works instantly and i play on my phone for a few minutes.
2:54 pm: Put her down in her crib.
2:57 pm:  Some friends will be coming over later so I order pizza.
3:03 pm: Ordered.  Time to pick up some more around the house.
3:12 pm: Finally finish picking up kitchen, which I had been trying to finish since the morning.  The kitchen is usually a good metaphor for my life.  Girls sill sleeping so I sweep and swiffer.

A bit better.

3:24 pm: Done.  Greta starts squawking.  MJ's door opens upstairs.  Still rousing so I hang up Christmas cards that I never did anything with.
3:35 pm: Bottle for greta. Post-nap bathroom break for MJ.
3:39 pm: I ask MJ to pick up baby choking hazards, since we will have several crawlers visiting.
3:44 pm: Greta finishes bottle.  Continue picking up and do some laundry.  The amount I've gotten done today is astounding to me.
3:58 pm:  Tantrum for no discernible reason.  No idea what sparked it, but she ends up getting sent to her room until she can calm down.
4:25 pm:  Make some steamed sweet potatoes for Greta.  Feed her squash and green beans.  MJ is still wiping the floors.

Seriously, she can't enough of wiping down the floors.  Weird!

4:36 pm:  Friends Maggie and crew arrive.
4:50 pm:  Everyone has arrived.  4 preschoolers, 4 babies (2 crawling, 1 newborn).   Oddly quiet at first.  Takes them a good long while to actually get hyper.
5:00 pm:  Pizza arrives.  Children strangely quiet.  Chaos eventually descends.

Chaos?

6:00 pm: DH gets home.  Joins the festivities.

Our adorable big kids, who stole the iPad when we weren't looking and snuck upstairs with it.

The girls.  MJ has known Mia since 4 weeks of age, and Annie since birth.  Turns out they still like each other!

7:00 pm: Put Greta to sleep.  Considering she was rubbing her eyes at 5:30 and usually is in bed by 6, can't believe how long she lasted.  Everyone departs shortly thereafter.  Start cleaning.
7:25 pm: Pump, since Greta hadn't nursed in a while.  
7:35 pm: Back downstairs.  Pick up.  DH takes MJ upstairs and I get peaceful time cleaning with a glass of wine.  An enjoyable end to the evening.
7:45 pm:  DH's co-worker drops by to borrow his otoscope to check her daughter's ear.  I forgot this visit was happening and at first was annoyed that I couldn't sink into bed with my laptop, but quickly remember how much I like chatting with her.  MJ and Eddie, her 4 year old, raise a ruckus.  We talk about schools, we have both fallen in love with the same much-too-expensive private school.  MJ ends up staying up much past her bedtime.
8:45 pm: They depart, we make vague plans of dinner soon and I hope it happens.  DH puts MJ to bed so I can do some work.  I have to look into some tenants that have applied for our place and form an LLC.
11:00 pm: Greta wakes up, downs a bottle and goes back to sleep.

So it all started much like it began, with some baby cuddles and a bottle.  Despite being exhausted, I actually got everything done that I set out to do, which always feels good.  I'm so often going on autopilot most of the day, because it takes so much to tend to the girls, that I don't often think about what is happening or when or how long it takes.  It's interesting to see that these little nagging things I always aim to get done (like hanging up Christmas cards) take so very little time.  It's also interesting to see how much time I spend just sitting on the rug playing with Greta.  I always think I don't get to do much of that, but I did a lot more than I realized.  As tiring as this phase is, I know I will miss it so much.  I love playing with the girls all day.  I love getting drug into MJ's imagination.  I love being fully absorbed by motherhood, even when life is crazy and DH is working and I'm trying to get some other stuff done. 

5 months.

It's late.  Sometimes this Mac adjustment is a bit much for me, as it's taken me an hour to figure out this post. I'm sure the alignment's off, but the girl is cute, so it's a go.  See post from last week for some more words. 

 

 

 

Year in review, goals, yada, yada (and a 5 month bday... unless that lands in another post)

For as long as I can remember I have, intermittently, kept a journal.  People do it for lots of reason: stress relief, insight, writing practice.  Although these reasons have at various time been important to me, the biggest reason I have kept one is so as not to forget.  In recent years my journal has become this blog.  The downside to a blog, over a journal, is that sometimes I can't/don't write the things that are truly stressing me out.  If I've had a fight with the hubs, I'm not going to write about it here, because that's just tacky.  I find writing out my frustrations to be therapeutic, but not airing dirty laundry.  But the upside, and a huge one, is that family and friends can keep up on our goings on.   And sometimes, when I do share my frustrations and stresses, I gain some really valuable insight from the internets.  So the pluses outweigh the minuses. 

In case it's not already apparent, this is going to be a very rambling post.

This is a long way of saying that it should come as no surprise that I like year-in-review posts.  Because I have a crappy memory, and this blog serves as my memory.  Should probably back up that memory sometime.

This year has been a big one for me.  So much so that I forget everything that's happened during it.

I started the year with a new job.  It quickly became apparent that I really disliked said job, and I feel like I wasted much of the year at a desk.  Spending time at a desk isn't necessarily a waste, but me at a desk was a waste.  Even just sitting for that long I found to be very taxing, on top of the fact that I didn't like what I was doing. 

I also started the year fairly newly pregnant.  I spent much of the year pregnant.   Despite vowing to keep my weight down so that I could stay active and enjoy pregnancy, I did not.  I've decided I'm just not a glowing pregnant  woman.  I love babies, but pregnancy is for the birds.  So that's decided.

We squeezed in a lot of trips in preparation for the baby, because I was convinced that once she was born I'd never go anywhere again.  We started with a trip to Austin in February for a friends wedding.  Then Chicago for a conference.  A trip to Madeline Island with some dear friends (some of whom have since moved).  An annual return to our old neighbors cabin, where every year we marvel at how much bigger the girls have gotten.  I also squeezed in a work trip to Ottawa, and the first time I've left MJ and hubs alone together, and the longest I've been away from her.

And then Greta arrived.  The transition has been far easier than I expected.  There were some frenzied initial weeks as I figured out how to juggle the addition, but it has not been the dire outcome I feared.  We see friends just about as much as we did before.  We still managed a trip back to Oregon in October, which went really superbly.  Despite sleeping in the same room with both girls, and staying at 4 different houses in a week, we all stayed pretty sane and rested.

MJ has been a stellar big sister.  She's helpful, engaged, loving, gentle and just about everything I could ask of a 3-year-old (far more than I would have thought to ask, actually).  She's excited every morning to see Greta and gives her big hugs and smooches.  If she accidentally causes Greta any harm, or even if she's not responsible but Greta is upset, she often starts bawling in sympathy.  She shows no signs of jealousy whatsoever.

MJ turned three this year.  Almost immediately after turning 3, her tantrums took on a new level of intensity.  It was a rough couple months, but the past month or two has returned to a more reasonable level.  I've also started putting her to bed half-an-hour earlier, which I don't think is unrelated (does that count as a double negative?)  I've started to fall-in-love with my 3 year old.  We have conversations.  We talk about deep things, like getting old.  We sing in the car at the top of our lungs.  We eat too much cake together.   I informed her today that she would someday move out of our house, and go to college.  She freaked!  She wailed!  She informed me that no, Dad would be coming to college with her.  For that matter, this is the year that she became a daddy's girl.  I couldn't be more happy about it.  He adores her, and she adores him.  They are similar people, and I think their new found attachment has made the addition of Greta much easier on her.  I wonder if she will become jealous when, someday, DH also falls in love with Greta.  He likes/loves her now, but not in the deep way he does MJ.  I know it's just age, because he was the same way with MJ at this age, and now that Greta has started to interact with him I see the beginning of their relationship.  My suspicion is that MJ is much more like DH and Greta is much more like me, but only time will tell.  I think my biggest hope for them, other than the obvious "I want them to be happy and healthy, etc." is that they can form a deep and lasting friendship.  It's not so much my job to be friends with them, it's their job to plot against me.  And I think a friendship between the girls would serve them so well in life.  I hope to do whatever I can to make that happen.  

After a while with Greta, and the realization of how miserable I would be back at a job I didn't like while missing one of my favorite ages, I decided to quit my job.  I felt like a flake.  But I have zero regrets, and so far I love being home.  I'm not sure this is the forever situation, but it's the right thing for right now.  With Greta going to sleep at 6 o'clock, I have no interest in missing 90% of her awake time.  Our family's in a really good place right now.

Some other milestones:
Biggest achievement:  Two kids.  Both having and parenting.

Biggest failure:  That the job didn't really work.  Starting and quitting a job so soon is not my style.

Illnesses:  Thankfully, no.  After spending her first two years on earth constantly sick, MJ is now healthy as a horse (which means, so are we).

Biggest thing you bought:  A mini-van.  Which we all love.  It fits so well with our lifestyle.
Regardless of whether we want to be in the mini-van phase of life, we most certainly are.  Accepting that fact has made life a little easier.

What did you get really excited about:  All our travel.  After MJ was born we really didn't travel much (still a lot by some people's metric, but not much for us).  She was a crazy child, and very hard to take anywhere.  Greta is proving to be much more mellow, and hopefully much more amenable to travel.  Because now that we've started again, it's in my system and I want to do more!

Song:  Gangnam Style and Call me Maybe.  Both of which MJ ADORES!  She got an MP3 player for Christmas, and listens to those two songs constantly.  And dances every time.  And MUST have a stage to dance on.  So not just the songs remind me of 2012, but MJ's love of those songs. I can't help but wonder which teen pop song will be next.  As for my personal song, it would be Gotye "Somebody that I used to know".  The first time I heard that song I was pulling onto the freeway on the way to work.  It made me want to stop the car.  I was instantly addicted.  It's been a long time since a song has been that instantly amazing to me. 

Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happier.
b) thinner or fatter? Fatter.  I'm still up about 7 pounds from pre-pregnancy, and the scale hasn't really budged in 4 months.
c) richer or poorer?  Pretty much the same, I think.

What do you wish you'd done more of?
Hmm, not really sure.  Not stressing.  Being patient.

What do you wish you'd done less of?
Watching TV.  I'm making a conscious effort to tone that down.  But Downton Abbey is starting soon... and Mad Men....

How did you spend Christmas?
At home, with my mother-in-law and brother-in-law, as well as hubs and the girls.  It was awesome, actually.  This is the first year MJ really "got" Christmas, and it was fun to make it magical for her.  It was also great not to travel, as we have the past two years, and to have hubs off work for so many days.   

Did you fall in love in 2012?Yes.  With Greta.  And with big sister MJ.  Watching the two of them lights up my life.

What was your favorite TV program?I don't know.  Probably The Borgias.  And Downton Abbey. I'm inexplicably excited for the new season.

What was the best book you read?
Ugh.  I didn't do much reading, least not of books.  But I finally finished The Disappearing Spoon, which was stellar.
 
What was your favorite film of this year?I don't watch many movies.  But I watched Sabrina the other day (the old one) and loved it.

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?I did next to nothing.   Hubs was working.  MJ had swim lessons.  It was a bit of a let down, but by now I've started to accept that they always are.  And at least this year he remembered my birthday, and actually listened and got me something I needed.  So that was a step up. 

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Absolutely nothing.  My years was very satisfying.  Stressful, busy, tiring, but definitely satisfying.


How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?Pregnant.  Followed by post-partem.  So non-existent, basically.  And now that I'm not at work, considerably less thought out than before.  I'd like to change that, now that I'm not pregnant and the post-Christmas sales are on.

What kept you sane?Starbucks.  Date nights.  Ladies nights.  Creeping into MJ's room after she's asleep to give the blissful little girl hugs.  A bigger house.  Accepting that breast feeding doesn't really make much difference in the end. 




Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?I have no idea.  Jon Hamm, maybe?   

What political issue stirred you the most?The Connecticut shooting.  If this country doesn't do something about gun control, we are dumb. 

Who was the best new person you met?Tough one.  I'm not really sure, as I haven't expanded my friend circle this year.  It's probably cheating to say Greta. 

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.
I need to be a more patient person.  As part of that, I need to go to bed earlier.  I love that post-kid time, but then I'm a mean person the next day.  I also need to take less on, because then I run out of patience and am not nice to MJ.  I'm not nice far too much of the time, and I don't want that to be the childhood she remembers.  Working on it, sometimes better than others.   

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.I got nothing.



Resolutions:  My resolution started a bit early.  When I got back from Oregon in October I resolved to lose the baby weight, I was still about 10 pounds up from pre-baby.  I was tired of clothes not fitting, etc.  I started eating better and lost about 2 pounds, but have continued to hover in that +8 to +10 pound range.  A blog I read, Growing With the Gilmores, inspired me to not have any more excuses.  She has chronicled her post-baby weight loss and exercise, and it's been really inspiring to see the whole thing.  She started the Couch-to-5K shortly after Greta was born (her daughter is a little older than mine).

So I also started the Couch-to-5K a few weeks ago (I just started week 4).  I don't consider myself a couch potato, so it never really appealed to me, but I instantly loved it.  It started in just the right place for me.  After a work-out I felt like I had exercised but also felt like I wanted to do it again.  I used to dislike programs that prescribed a certain regimen, I liked determining what felt right for me.  However, I find now that I'm tired of making decisions all the time, and thinking "I should really be running faster now.  Now I can walk, but only for 1 minute and then I should run again".  I have enjoyed that it tells me exactly when to run, when to walk, how long, etc.  I make decisions all day long, I want someone else to make decisions for me.
  



I am a bit frustrated by the lack of weight loss.  I guess I'm probably down about a pound, and with all the holiday eating that's better than gaining, but I was hoping for a bit more.  Right now, though, my goal is simply to keep at it.  I've been running/walking three times a week for half-an-hour.  Sometimes I'm tempted to add another day, and the fact that I actually want to exercise more makes me happy.  I've been feeling strong and active and I like it.  I like that it's not every day, because some days I simply can't get it together.  I'm tired, or the girls refuse to nap, or something.  So specifically, I resolve to run three times a week for a half-an-hour.  More than that would be great, but I resolve to at least do that much.  And I'm hoping the weight loss just comes with time. 

My other resolution is to become a more patient person and nicer to MJ.  If that means I do less, then so be it.  I simply must be more patient.

Merry Christmas

Sorry Baba, but this is the only photo I took all day, so I had to post it.

She's talking to Greta, and Greta's talking back. I feel a little bit bad for not taking more pictures or video, but not really.  Because instead I Facetimed with my Mom during the present opening fiasco, and my Dad during Turkey eating, and my Brother during dollhouse-playing-time.  And I made some great stuffing, and fit in a run on the treadmill, and short pseudo-catnap, and all around felt like the most blessed Mama in the whole world.

Not least because I'm writing this out on a brand-spanking-new laptop.  A mac, I'll have you know.  Quite a leap for me, as I've been a PC girl my whole life.  But given the iPhones and iPad and AppleTV that have invaded our house, it was time.  (Sounds like a good house to rob, no?  I'll have you know we also have an alarm system and a vicious guard dog).

I should really be sleeping, as Greta has already been squawking like she'll wake up at any moment, but maybe that's a reason to wait?  Who knows, that's always a conundrum for me.  But now that I can write on a laptop that won't crash, cozy in my bed, with two happy little girls in the house, I feel that I must.

Christmas was... maybe over the top?  I don't even think I took a picture of our tree overflowing with presents, but it was ridiculous.  MJ got far too much.  The rest of us a bit more respectable level, except for me, who also received far too much.  I think the hubs was making up for previous holidays, in which he barely did much of anything.  I've spent many Christmases bummed at his lack of involvement (a heartfelt letter would have done the trick) but the past few years he's upped the game.   And this year he went a bit over the top, though all useful stuff that I'm sure he'll also enjoy (a saucepan?)  It's fun to get presents for a three-year-old, so I (and the grandparents) did much of it.  I knew I should have toned it down, knowing how much she'd get from grandparents, but that dollhouse was just like what I would have liked as a little girl... know what I mean? 

At any rate, Christmas was wonderful.  The presents, the family, the friends.  Baba and D arrived yesterday, followed by a Christmas Eve feast at some dear friends.  And in a couple weeks we'll see Nana, to continue the festivating.  I love this time of year.  And for the first time in I-don't-know-how-many years I don't feel the least bit let down by the holiday.  I don't know if my expectations have been sufficiently diminished or sufficiently changed or others have just filled in my expectations.  At any rate, not feeling a post-Christmas hangover is a nice feeling.  Maybe because Baba and D only arrived yesterday, and we still get nearly a week together?  Followed by more family?  Maybe that's why, because I feel like the true fun is just beginning.    

I feel the need to say a little more about our week, because I haven't said much in quite some time.  About a week ago I decided to start weaning Greta.  The decision was preceded by a particularly rough night, during which Greta woke up every 2 hours or so, and never went back to sleep happy but simply exhausted.  This was preceded by a rough few days that were similar.  The morning after the rough night, MJ tried to wake me up before her Dad took her to preschool and I snapped at her.  I was exhausted, and mean.  She only wanted to say goodbye for the day.  After she left, and I saw all the evidence of how much she had helped that morning (the stool pulled up to the crib, with all the toys she had brought Greta, presumably to make her happy!) I felt so awful.  All.  Day.  Long.  I wished I had the ability to text her to tell her how much I loved her.  As news of the Connecticut funerals trickled in, I felt so blessed and so dumb.  I decided it had to change.

For whatever reason, Greta was much hungrier and/or I was producing much less.  After a couple weeks time, during which  I tried to make up for it by nursing a ton, it still wasn't working.  Greta was hungry and grumpy.  I was tired and mean.  And MJ, who wasn't even part of that little circle, was also suffering.  So I decided to stop trying to maintain my supply.  I'm not actively trying to wean her, but I'm not trying to maintain my supply, which, for my body, has the same effect.  We still nurse a few times a day, but she is mostly formula fed.  I woke up one morning engorged, and that seemed to be the end of my body rebelling.  It seems to want to be done with this, regardless of how I feel about it.  

Although Greta is still not sleeping great, it's been a bit better.  Those few nights of sleeping all the way through the night were tantalizing, though, and reminded me of what I'm missing.  I would almost have rather not experienced that, because I felt like I was doing fine until I remembered what it felt like to not be tired.

We started solids a few weeks ago.  She. Loved.  It.  She'd grab my hand with every bite, trying to shove it in her mouth.  Instant fan.  However, I tried adding things other than just oatmeal.  Squash, sweet potatoes, peas.  Not so much of a fan.  And furthermore, she would often get fussy afterwards.  I started to wonder if it was making her uncomfortable, and she started to get less excited, many times refusing to eat anything.  So we held off for a couple of weeks.  I tried again today and she loved it again, with no apparent discomfort.  We'll see if it continues or not.  Either way, we're trying to be very gradual about it.  

That's all I've got for now.  Only a few more days until 5 months!  Amazing.

MJ is fascinating, as usual.  Always in search of a stage to dance on, and always imagining.  Pretending.  There is always an active dialogue of what is happening.  Biggest hits of the day: the dollhouse and the scissors, not in that order.  And the hot chocolate.  The other toys will get discovered in time, I'm sure.  

Merry Christmas Eve Eve

I just wrote you a post.  And while it didn't say much, it's still frustrating when the computer eats it.  Sorry for the absence.  Dog-tired, computer woes, holiday fun, all my excuses.  Enjoy some pictures from Santaland.  Much Love.

 

 

 

Our winter so far.

As you may notice, the accidental photos turned a bit better than the posed ones.

 

4 months + 4 days

Whew!  The fact that I can form a witty enough title to make the lateness of this post secondary makes me feel better. 

This month has been great.  Greta is sleeping wonderfully (except for the week following that post where I said how great she'd been sleeping... so don't tell anyone that I said she's sleeping well....).  I finally bit the bullet and decided to stay home.  So glad about that.  She's napping pretty terribly, meaning she's often in bed by 6:30 or 7:00.  I remember how awful it was when I was getting home at 5:30, trying to get dinner ready, MJ was a hot mess, and then in bed an hour later.  So little time together, and so far from quality. 

Life has been busy, and Greta gets dragged along to all of it.  Showing the rental to prospective tenants.  Swim lessons with MJ (where she swam by herself for the first time tonight!! Proud mama!)  Walks to try to fit in some exercise.  At some point I know she'll be less flexible, but thankfully not yet.  For a while I tried to have her home to nap, but she is so unpredictable there's really no point.

Nursing is... okay.  This was the month without pumping.  Breastfeeding as it's meant to happen.  And it has mostly worked.  For about 4 or 5 days we even went without bottles.  But then she refused to take a bottle as we were leaving for a date night, and since then I've been giving her a bottle a day.  Usually it's formula or thawed breastmilk, pumping seems to interfere with our schedule.  Inevitably, if I pump she's hungry 10 minutes later.  So I just don't pump and have accepted that she gets some formula.  At our 4 month checkup she had dropped a bit on the weight chart, and the pediatrician encouraged giving her a bit more formula, so about a bottle and a half a day.  Which I actually haven't had much luck doing yet, because she won't really take it.  So it's possible she's just leveling out to a smaller size, just as MJ did.  I'm not too concerned about it.  In fact, I'm not too concerned what happens at this point.  She's 4 months old, two rounds of vaccinations, and if breastfeeding doesn't continue to work then so be it.  I like how easy it makes night time, because I can doze while nursing her and don't have to prepare a bottle.  But apart from that, I don't care so much.  And if she was eating more during the day maybe she wouldn't need to eat at night. 

Watching MJ and Greta become sisters is glorious.  Tonight MJ discovered that she can make Greta laugh, and it was wonderful to watch.  She would stick her face right in Greta's and laugh maniacally; it looked annoying to me, but Greta loved it so MJ kept doing it.  Yesterday, as MJ and Greta cuddled while we read books, Greta kept pulling MJ's hair.  But MJ was super patient and just held her hand so she couldn't do it, rather than getting upset.  I'm so hopeful they'll have a good relationship. Only time will tell. 

Greta continues to be mellow.  I think this may be my favorite age.  She smiles and laughs all the time, sleeps pretty well and is not yet difficult to watch.  She's cuddly and loves to be held.

This month the smiles were effortless.  As were the dimples.