Three posts in one week is a rarity. Don't get too used to it.
But it's Friday night, and much as Friday night no longer really matters, I can never let go of the feeling that it does matter. A weekend lays out before me!! Even though weekends are often more stressful than weekdays.
Some thoughts.
1) Greta, in her natural, uninterrupted habitat, would go to bed at 6:00 every night. Sometimes we're out and about and she'll fall asleep in the car, which just turns into a late nap and means she's up later. It kills any social life, but when we're all just hanging at home, I love it. She's goes to bed SO EASILY if I put her down at 6:00, it makes me not want to bother with any other scenario. I nurse her a bit (with my rapidly diminishing supply) then give her some bottle to top her off, and she's out like a light. Five minute process, and she almost sleeps better than if she goes to bed later.
2) Furthermore, the 6:00 bedtime gives me an evening to just play with MJ. Tonight we ate cake and watched Dumbo. The number of acid trip sequences in movies I watched as a child is astounding. I am opposed to TV (for my kids, which makes me a total hypocrite since I love it myself) to a greater degree than most folks I know. It can, on occasion, get a bit maniacal. But in the past few months, I have discovered the joy of watching a movie or TV show with MJ, and it is magical. We cuddle, usually on the couch though tonight in bed, and we talk about what we're watching. How sad when Dumbo was separated from his Mama! Her compassion warms my heart. I absolutely love when we get to watch something together. I try at all costs to avoid using it as a babysitter, but the joy of sharing a cinematic experience is immense.
3) I love Greta's arm flaps. When I give her a bottle, or nurse her, one arm (whichever isn't pinned to her side) will just flap wildly with joy, like she's trying to fly away (like Dumbo!) It makes my heart melt every time. Everything about this little girl makes my heart melt. The fact that she will be 6 months next week is mind blowing. Babyhood half over? Can that be? I NEVER thought I'd be a baby person, and I think my early blog posts reflect that, but it turns out I am. The idea of not having a baby in the house is so, so sad to me. The exhaustion gets me, but everything else I'm okay with. Baby puke, messy diapers, mindless babbling, bring it. We haven't decided whether Greta is our last or not, and I think that almost makes it harder. Are these coming months my last months of having a baby ever? Or will there be more? It's amazing how notable babyhood is and yet how short. If I could have a stork drop a baby on my doorstep I'd be all in. But the idea of another pregnancy? And childbirth? Sometimes I'm not sure I have that in me.
4) I often feel like a single parent these days. Which is probably a very clueless thing to say if you're actually a single parent. And that would also make me a single parent with more means than many have, so very blessed. But goodness, it gets tiring. Just having the hubs home for an evening the other day reminded me how easy it is to have two parents around, how much simpler it is to function. I need to take myself out on a date; hire a babysitter, and just get out of the house for an evening. I love these girls so much, and I'm not really tired of them, I'm just kind of tired of being in charge. Tired of battles with a 3-year-old. Tired of never getting a full night's sleep.
Off to bed. I hope.
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