Recycling a stack of Wall Street Journal's the other day, I stumbled on this article from July: My Fertility Crisis.
I took away two big points from this article.
1. I'm only thirty. Even though we're having some difficulty, I'm in a very lucky spot.
2. Women need to talk about fertility issues more openly.
These are not really the main points of the article, just the points that apply to my life.
I have known both of these points to be true, this was just a timely reminder. A large part of me wants to say nothing about our issues. To pretend everything is fine.
But deep down, I feel that the media, society and wishful thinking is allowing women to delude themselves. While I hate talking about personal things with the world, it makes me so sad that statistics suggest there are SO many women with fertility issues, and yet I see so few people talking about it. The only people that talk openly about getting pregnant are the ones who do so easily, and I fear that it gives women a false impression that it's easy. And I think it drives women to put off having children because they believe that when they're ready it will be easy.
We had an appointment last week to talk about our issues. We've already had all the tests run, that suggest that everything is fine other than mild PCOS in me. Everything is fine, except that we've been trying to get pregnant for 11 months and still aren't. So the discussion came down to Clomid. Basically, even though I ovulate semi-regularly, Clomid could still improve hormone levels that may be inhibiting/preventing pregnancy. But with it comes an increased risk of twins (1 in 20) and higher order multiples. Having twins doesn't scare me so much, though I would feel bad for MJ. Hoisting one sibling on her seems rough, but hoisting two siblings on her seems cruel.
My real fear is complications. Twins are by definition a high risk pregnancy. If I felt this was the only way for us to get pregnant I wouldn't hesitate. But knowing we got pregnant semi-easily without clomid already, it makes me hesitant to take that risk. I guess I read too many mom blogs, because I know or know of far too many women with devastating stories from a multiples birth. If that happened to us, and I wasn't convinced it was a necessary risk, I'm not sure I could forgive myself. But how do I know when it is a necessary risk, and not just impatience?