I'm still here.

It seems that every birth story I read begins something like this:

I woke up at 2 a.m. with what I thought were gas pains. It turns out I was in labor.

or

All day long I had this nagging back pain; it wasn't until that evening that I realized I had been having back labor and the pain was coming in waves.

Who are these people? My days have been more like:

I stubbed my toe this afternoon. This evening, as I was sitting on the couch, I started having pulsing toe pains and wondered if this could be a symptom of labor, until I remembered the stubbed toe.

or

A woman at the grocery store gave me the side eye yesterday. Shortly thereafter I felt a contraction, and I wondered if she was the labor fairy. But here I am, 24 hours later and still no baby, so she was probably just a nosy old woman who was afraid my water would break on her feet.

All I'm saying is, who are these women that are shocked that at 39 weeks the "gas pains" they're feeling are really contractions? I am looking for labor dust in every nook and cranny of my life, the only reason you haven't seen 20 "I think I'm in early labor" posts is that I restrain myself.

p.s. I just blew my nose, and there was a tiny spider in my snot. Possibly the grossest thing I've seen all day.