Three months together

If I had written this post when Teddy actually turned 3 months, a week ago, I would have slightly different things to say.  Partly because I was on vacation and feeling blissed out, and partly because he had finally figured out how to sleep.

A week later, a week late, neither of those things are true.  Husband has been out of town the past couple days, and for the past week Teddy has been up 7+ times a night.  I've long since figured out that every parent claims their kid didn't sleep the first year.  I was actually the anomaly in claiming that mine were pretty good sleepers the first year.  But upon further inquiry, I have discovered that most people who claim this actually had fairly decent sleepers.  Up a few times a night, which I consider to be totally doable.  Even Greta, my best sleeper, was up a couple times a night the first year, and I counted that as good sleep.

Teddy is in a totally different league.  I really stop counting how many times I'm up once I get past 3 or 4, because what does it matter?  He's up a  Lot.  Sometimes sustained wake ups, a bunch in a row, so did he ever really go to sleep?  Did I?  The math gets fuzzy.

For reasons I don't understand, when we were in Florida last week he slept quite good.  Up 3ish times a night, totally doable.  Then he got sick and started waking up a ton (understandable) and has been terrible since.  What has changed?  I don't know.

So this 3rd month has been dominated by a lack of sleep.  Worse sleep, even, than previously (with the exception of that one week...)  We've tried having him sleep on his tummy.  There was a lot of soul searching before that decision, and a lot of arguments between hubs and I, until we both got so exhausted we decided we'd do just about anything to get him to sleep.  He sleep pretty good on his tummy, if he'd go to sleep.

But then, a week ago, he started rolling over.  Just like that.  I hadn't given him any tummy time in Florida, and felt guilty.  When we got home I put him on his tummy and he flipped right over.  I did it again, he rolled again.  Both ways.  Neither girl was rolling this early, so I was shocked, especially because he don't get much tummy time (he can't be left so exposed with Greta around).

I had some much needed time away this month, with the help of our wonderful baby sitter.  It's such a glorious feeling to actually miss him a little bit.  To not feel the constant craziness of being surrounded by these little people, and actually get reminded of what a miracle it is to be in charge of all these little people.  It's a weird little world we've built for ourselves here.  Time spent out in the adult world reminds me of how surreal all these kids and their needs are.

This was also the month when I got better and braver about taking all of them out.  Particularly our travel to Florida, which was fairly epic.  What is so amazing to me is how much street cred we get for our passel.  Walking through the airport with three littles, when I actually had a husband to help, I heard echoes of "oh my gosh, look at all those kids" or "wow, busy mama" all around us.  In some sense I really appreciate the recognition that this is hard.  It's not just in my head that it's hard, it's universally recognized as hard.  But it also makes me wonder, because this didn't use to be so uncommon.  What has changed that now everyone thinks it's so difficult to have 3 little kids when it used to be the norm?

I spend much of my time feeling like I'm losing my mind. Everyone crying, all the time.  Greta constantly crying, because she's at that age of frustration where she can't really talk and yet has such clear ideas about what she wants.  Most of the time, it's because she wants me to pick her up when I'm holding Teddy or because she's frustrated she can't manage to carry more stuff.

But I digress, little man.  As before, this post is less about you and more about all of us.  Because that's how it is these days, you just don't get alone time.  Though that reminds me, we actually did get time alone!  Our friends Erin and Ben offered to take both girls for a night, which was just amazing.  It was the first time I got to be alone with Teddy since the hospital, and it was so nice.  So peaceful.  Hubs was working, so we got to hang out with some folks and just chat, something I never get to do while chasing 2 other littles.

At your 2 month appt. (about 3 weeks late) I found that you are doing just great.  Growing great.  GIANT head, 99th percentile now.  I swear it doesn't even look that giant to me, but I must just be used to it.  You hold it up so well, it seems to not phase you.

I have cut down 2 pumping sessions this month, so I am now pumping only 6 times a day, and not much at night.  I actually might have done that last month, I don't remember.  It's been at least 4 weeks now, and I was doing fine.  You were getting about a bottle a day of formula, so not bad.  But then we travelled to florida.  I think the irregular schedule messed with everything, and my supply dipped significantly.  I can't decide how much to care.  I alternate between desperately wanting to stop, just for the sanity saver, and feeling like I should work to increase my supply.  I find it frustrating that I'm pumping just as much as I was and am getting so much less.  My supply has significantly dipped around this time with all the kids, so maybe that's just how it works?  Maybe I consistently mess up at the same time with all of them?  This is such a fraught topic for me.  I can't wait to be done so I never have to stress about breastfeeding again.  Definitely not a high point for me.

Alright, little man.  I've bemoaning all the problems, but I have to mention that you're awfully cute.  You are such a little chatterbox.  I was looking back at Greta's and MJ's posts, and they were not chatting this much by now.  For weeks now, you chatter away and look like you're trying to have a real conversation.  When we are in public, you will grin and chatter at strangers and do your darnedest to get them to look at you.  You've spent a lot of time this month in the Moby, and have recently become intolerant of facing in, insisting on looking at the world around you.  This part reminds me of MJ, who was also incredibly social at a very young age, and may mean we have another crazy, social butterfly on our hands.  Your favorite thing in the world is to watch people talking, and you love story time for this reason.  You are quite definitely fascinated by language in a way that I don't remember the girls being.  Once we get this sleep thing figured out, life will become glorious.  Because you are such a wonderful addition to our family, and the fun that you add is just amazing.  Please, please little guy, start sleeping.  That's all I ask.

Love always,
Mama