Square peg, round hole

MJ hasn't wrapped her head around the fact that she can't fit into the same spaces she used to be able to. Which is probably why she keeps trying to squeeze through my neighbor's cat door.

Thanks for listening to me complain.

We're doing better now. I've been sleeping. And, if you can't tell by this smile, MJ's been sleeping.

The inner workings of a toddler

I am tired today.  So tired that I find it hard to concentrate on those things I should be concentrating on.  On the way in this morning, my husband told me he thinks it's bogus that when I'm tired I suck at thinking critically.  But that's how my head works.  And so you get a blog post.

A blog post about me wondering why my child won't sleep.  It's been a rough month.  We travelled out west, and the time change and festivities messed with MJ's sleep schedule.  So be it.  Then we returned, and she started back at daycare, and did really well.  Not waking up much at all, sleeping until 7 in the morning.

And then she got sick.  Puking.  Lots of puking.  Puking in my hair.  Puking in our bed.  Poor thing, I felt bad for her.  She still slept pretty good, considering.  Then husband went away for a week.  As soon as she got over the puking she picked up some sort of cough-hack-virus.  Husband says to me "But she just got sick!"  as though that should insulate her from getting sick again.  So I said to the virus "Virus, she just got sick, give her a break."  Funny how Mr. Virus didn't listen.  And she coughed, and my Mama-Brain feared she would stop breathing in the night.  So if she cried, I brought her into our bed. 

And she barely slept. 

Go to sleep late.  *cough*  Wake up.  Move to Mama's bed.  *cough*  Wake Up Early.  *cough* Wake Mama Up Early.  *cough*  Refuse to nap.  *cough*  She is now over the virus.  And she is still up all the time.  She wants to play!  We get her to sleep, put her in her crib, and an hour later she is awake again.  *cough*  *Play!*

So I am tired.  I would like to blame this on a cognitive change.  The number of times I have googled "cognitive develoment of a ___ month old" is somewhat embarrassing.  I fear this is the beginnings of a fussy toddler.  There is much shrieking and flailing happening, day and night alike.  We tried a bit of cry it out last night.  But we have a very determined little child, and I don't think I have a night of screaming in me.  How do you reason with a toddler? 

Still thinking about cave women...

I had a lovely visit to my homeland over Christmas.  I went home for nearly 2 weeks.  Home has no snow, is tropical by comparison to Minnesota, and has terrain.  And there were 2 grandmothers to help wrangle MJ. 

I also had an interesting conversation with my brother one evening.  In the course of the conversation I came to realize how often I ponder "what would cave women do?"  It turns out I think about this a lot.  It also became clear that my brother fantasizes about aliens landing on earth, and that he's convinced (only half-jokingly) that this is the year it will happen.  But I digress.

And then I read this article in the NYTimes about the Opt Out Revolution.  The article's from 2003, but it rings very true for me.  I know there's been a lot of discussion about it, about the accuracy, etc.  But as an educated woman who can afford the choice of whether or not to work, I frequently ponder how much I am no longer lured by the business world.  Or whatever world this is.

I know there's a lot of discussion about nature vs. nuruture in the parenting world.  And I'm not talking about the children.  Is it because women truly, deep-down want to stay home with the children?  Or is it caused by external factors?  The reality is that there are ALWAYS external factors, so how important are they? 

I find it fascinating (and frustrating) that the men I encounter don't seem to have as much interest in their children as the women do.  They enjoy them, don't get me wrong, but they don't seem to feel as drawn to them as their wives do.  I'm guessing the men I know will object to this statement, which is a testament to the fact that they truly are great fathers.

But when I'm away from MJ for too long, my heart just aches.  My husband?  Misses her.  But it's not the same.  And it doesn't seem to be as intense.  I blame this on biology.  And here's where I think about cave women, again.  Babies used to NEED their mothers for survival.  That's how humans evolved.  So doesn't it work out great if the mother's also WANTED to be with their children?  Doesn't that seem evolutionarily advantageous?  If a mother didn't want to be with her child, her child's survival was undoubtedly less likely.  I realize this is crack science.  But it just makes so much sense.  And it gives me a handy explanation for why I spend so much time thinking about my baby when I should really be working.

Stuck Inside.

A few sugestions on how to entertain a toddler while snowed in.