I can finally breathe

I hadn't even realized it had been so long.  I hadn't even realized I wasn't doing it.

Of course, I mean this figuratively.  I've been breathing.  What I haven't been doing is thinking about myself, or my future, or the things that I want.  I've only been thinking about the things that I need.   To get through this moment, this day, this week.  Usually not further ahead than that.

Being a stay at home mom is very, very hard.  I've now been doing it for a little over 4 years.  I've had a couple other gigs mixed in here and there; I've taught a few classes, I've done some landlording.  But for a little over 4 years, my primary job has been taking care of 3 little people.

My kids are now 7, 4 and 2.  The youngest two are 15 months apart.  That was hard.  I have one in 1st grade, one in half-day Pre-Kindergarten and one in half-day preschool 3 days a week.  I'm finally at a point where they can play upstairs, out of sight, for an hour.  And not kill themselves or burn the house down.

Over the past 9 months we've slowly been getting to this point.  Emerging from the fog.  I've gradually started to take care of myself again.  I've started looking in the mirror and putting effort into my appearance.  I've started to be more conscious about what I eat in order to realize why I've gained 30 pounds since Teddy was born (30 pounds!! Ugh.)  At least I've finally stopped gaining.  I've started to exercise, and ran a 10 mile race a few weeks ago.  I was awfully slow, but I did it and it was a blast.

Now.  Now I'm starting to think about what I want next.  I have zero regrets about staying home with my kids.  I was so torn about that decision before I made it, but since I started to stay home I have not regretted it a single day.  But I am within sight of having the kids in full day school.  And even now, if I found something I was really interested in, I could put them in their programs for full days.  The idea of a regular, full-time job is a bit daunting, because of the hubs work schedule.  There would be weeks we just wouldn't see each other, and the kids wouldn't see him.  Unless I found something I was really passionate about, I can't imagine taking that on.

So I've started to ponder.  What's next.  Maybe another rental?  More classes?  I'm just not sure.

Making it real (and a plea for some advice)

I have now been a "stay at home mom" for longer than I worked at my last job.   I have enough distance from it to definitively say that it was the absolute right decision.  I Hated my job.  I should have known better; the only other time I had a traditional office-desk-type-job was in college, and I wanted to tear my hair out every day.  Sitting at a desk, all day every day, is torture for me.  So even though this was in my field, it couldn't overcome how terrible it is for me to sit in one place looking at spread sheets all day.  On top of that, I love being home with the girls.  When MJ was this age it KILLED me to drop her at daycare every day, knowing I was missing 90% of her waking hours.  I can't get enough of the smiles, coos, and belly laughs.  Although the days are occasionally a bit repetitive, we've managed to mix things up enough to avoid most of that.

So now I'm home.  I've been home with Greta for 7 months, but during that time MJ has continued to go to preschool most days.  At first it was because I had a newborn and needed the extra help.  Then it was because we bought a rental property and needed to get it up and running.  And now, there are no more justifiable reasons.

In about a week, that will no longer be the case.  I'll have both girls home with me, full time, and I'm a bit terrified.  I know this is what SAHMs do, and I'm excited about all the fun things we'll get to do.  It will be good for Greta, because she loves when her sister's around.  But how do people get anything done?  As it is now, with MJ gone for a good chunk of the day, I feel like I'm still going from sun up to sundown getting things done.  But now I'll have two rugrats around, one of whom is quicker at making messes than I am at cleaning them up.

Additionally, without any family around and a husband who works many evenings and weekends, I'll have few chances for a break.  If I could just drop them at a grandparent's house for a few hours in order to get things done that would be... amazing.  Or if the hubs came home at normal times every day and I could take an hour or two to do something.  But I won't have that.

So how do you do it?  What are some tips you'd like to pass along on how to keep your sanity?  How to get the things done that need to get done?